Plane Talk
by REIDFANATIC
Summary: A series of one shots and drabbles of conversations between the members of the BAU team while on the plane. Mostly Reidcentric
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds and no copyright infringement is intended

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BAU Style

The sun was barely rising as the BAU team boarded the airplane after another successful case and the arrest of yet another serial killer. The team let Reid go first. It was easier for him to maneuver and find a comfortable seat without the others in the way. Though no one would admit it to the young profiler, of course, someone, usually Morgan, liked to be behind him to catch him in case he stumbled. So far those services hadn't been necessary. They'd seen him grit his teeth at times against the pain but he never complained. He found his seat and the other members set about finding their own seats and readying themselves for takeoff. JJ and Emily sat in seats opposite each other while Rossi stretched out on the bench seat, thinking dawn was too early to begin his day. Reid sat on the aisle and stretched his injured leg onto the seat next to him. Morgan took the seat opposite him while Hotch, as was often the case, sat alone.

There was little talk amongst the team until after takeoff when JJ said quietly, "So how do you think Morgan's going to do as Unit Chief?"

"I don't know, he's definitely not Hotch," Emily replied. "They have totally different styles."

"You're telling me," JJ giggled. "Can you see Morgan in a severe black suit and tie with a permanent scowl etched on his face?"

Emily giggled as well. "Remember when we were in New York and we had a terrorist bearing down on us, threatening to blow up that hospital?" JJ nodded. "When Hotch's clothes arrived he takes time to put on a tie. Can you believe it? Who cares about a tie at a time like that?"

"Hotch is nothing if not the perfectly well dressed man," JJ agreed. "That's why he's such a contrast to Morgan, our tee shirt and jeans man."

"Ooh, but he pulls off that look so well," Emily added looking down the aisle at her colleague.

"I hear ya sister, he's not hard on the eyes," JJ replied.

"Then there's Rossi, he's kind of in the middle with his jeans and sports jacket," Emily said.

"Yeah," JJ nodded, "he carries off that air of self assured confidence very well. He doesn't need to impress anyone. I think he should have stayed away from the Grecian Formula though. I like a little salt and pepper in an older man. I think it adds to his sense of experience and charm."

"Agreed," Emily nodded, "that's something that Morgan won't have to worry about," they both laughed. Emily put her finger to her chin. "They say the clothes make the man. If so what does that say about our Dr. Reid?"

"Ah yes Reid," JJ paused for a moment, "a man with a style all his own." There was silence again for a few moments. "I think he's evolved from pure geek to chic geek."

"Chic geek," Emily began to laugh. "Well, of course, I haven't known him as long as you and his clothes can be pretty geeky, those cords and sweater vests are like something out of the 70's, not that I remember that of course. Although I must admit I do like…"

"The purple scarf," the pair said together and began to chuckle as one.

"I wonder what JJ and Emily are finding so funny," Reid asked Morgan as he watched the women laughing. "They keep glancing over this way every now and then."

"Well then my profiling skills tell me they're probably talking about one or both of us," Morgan replied.

"And that doesn't bother you?" his young colleague asked.

"Hell no, I never mind when a beautiful woman talks about me."

"But they're laughing," Reid reminded him.

"Then that settles it, they must be talking about you," Morgan snickered.

"Yeah, thanks Morgan," Reid scowled.

"He hasn't worn the cords as much lately and his vests are more fitted, tweed and buttoned and that pocket watch," JJ made a circle with her thumb and index finger making the sign of perfection, "kind of GQ. I think he's growing," she said.

"Yeah I'll have to agree he's gotten more sophistication but what's really growing is his hair," Emily commented.

"When I first met him," JJ told her, "it was a lot shorter and really nerdy. He's certainly gone through a lot of changes. I liked the way he had it in Vegas, the way that little piece would fall onto his forehead was kind of, I don't know, sexy."

"JJ," Emily's eyebrows went up in astonishment, "you were nine months pregnant with Henry. You weren't supposed to be thinking other guys were sexy!"

"A girl can still look," JJ said sheepishly.

"I sometimes like it when he wears it back, you know, with the gel and then at other times, yeah," she said dreamily, "that little bit falling forward, sometimes you just want to reach over and…" Emily noticed JJ's raised eyebrows. "Not that I ever would," she scoffed and covered quickly. "But the thing that interests me most is his accessories."

"Accessories?" JJ looked puzzled. "You mean like ties?"

"No, that messenger bag, he never goes anywhere without it." Emily pointed discreetly with her finger. "Does anybody have any idea what he carries in that thing?"

JJ giggled, "Obviously not a comb."


	2. Bullpen Buddies

_**Bullpen Buddies**_

Reid stared absentmindedly, or so it seemed, at the clouds that the jet seemed to float above effortlessly like a toy boat in the water. Of course, he knew it was anything but. If asked he could relate the plane's design and how the engines worked in unison to keep the vessel above the clouds at thirty-six thousand feet. He was an engineer after all. He felt, rather than saw, the movement in his peripheral vision as someone took occupancy of the seat opposite him. The light but nonetheless pleasant scent of jasmine wafted his way and told him it was Emily.

"I thought we'd better stick together," Emily said with a laugh. "Since we're the only two minions left in the bullpen."

Reid didn't turn to look at her. "Yeah, Garcia and JJ made up a nice office for Morgan, didn't they. I'm sure you'll have one someday too."

"I doubt it, Strauss and I don't see eye to eye and I hate politics, which unfortunately is what the unit chief position seems to be about." she replied. Reid didn't respond but continued looking out the window. "You're quiet," Emily said after a few minutes.

"I'm thinking," Reid replied.

She giggled quietly, "That's never shut you up before. You look angry. What's the matter? It isn't this thing with Morgan getting promoted to temporary team leader, is it?"

"No, I'm totally cool with that. He deserves it." He said nothing for a few moments and then, "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," she said, deadly serious now.

He was silent for a time and then turned to the woman whose eyes held, what was it, curiosity, concern or perhaps it was compassion, something he had no reason to expect considering how badly he had treated her in his Dilaudid days.

Finally he bowed his head and looked at his hands. "I know I was hired by the Bureau for my brains," he paused again momentarily while Emily waited patiently, saying nothing. "But I want it to be about more than that. I want to be a good agent."

Emily's eyes grew large and her eyebrows rose in surprise. "Reid, you are a good agent, you're an excellent agent. Why would you think you're not?"

"I know I'm not physical like Morgan or even Hotch. I heard he took down Earl Bulford single handedly. I have to admit I miss the field. I want to be a total agent, a whole agent and that includes excelling in the field and all I am now is a gimpy brainiac. Hotch got injured the same day I did and look at him, he's running around taking down unsubs while I'm sitting in the precinct working on maps."

"You know nobody does that better than you. You know none of us can narrow down a geographical profile the way you can," Emily responded.

"I know that but," he paused again, "you don't understand. You're always in the field."

"Well, Hotch wasn't injured in the leg for one thing and perhaps he had more of a reason to recover faster than you," she suggested.

"Are you saying I'm not as determined as Hotch?"

"Not at all, what I'm saying is the man who shot you is not out there running around threatening your family. I'm sure that's a strong motivator."

Reid nodded. "I still feel like half an agent. I sometimes feel like I'll never get back in the field, that I'll never be able to contribute totally to the team, and if I do, will I be as good as I was before, if I was even any good in the first place. Let's face it; Garcia's never going to call me stud."

"Reid, you knocked a man to the ground and took the bullet that was meant for him. If that's not being a good field agent, I don't know what is. What does the doctor say about your leg anyway?"

"He says it's coming along. It's not as painful as it used to be. He said the muscle that was injured when the bullet went through my leg needed to heal. I'll need to strengthen the muscle before I can full weight bear on it."

"So you can move it then?"

"Oh yeah, I can move it." He demonstrated by bending the knee up and down and lifting his leg.

"I have an idea. After we get back to Quantico and finish our reports, let's go down to the gym. It'll be practically empty at this time of night and we can start strengthening that muscle. You'll be back in the field in no time."

"That's really nice Emily, but you don't have to do that."

"Yeah, I do, remember, we mere mortals still left in the bullpen have to stick together."


	3. Out of the Darkness

_**Out of the Darkness**_

Derek Morgan's head rested on the headrest of his seat on the commercial flight back to DC; a far cry from the usual comfort of the jet. His eyes were closed and his ear pods piped out music but it went unheard. Derek Morgan was fast asleep as were many of the passengers on this late night flight. The two men sitting beside him, however, remained awake. One stared straight ahead, his mind lost in thoughts of what he had learned on this trip to Las Vegas; about his mother, his father, but, more importantly, about himself. David Rossi observed the man beside him in silence. This trip had been hard on him. It had stirred up memories that might have been best left undisturbed. Seeing Reid's fear and agitation in the hypnotist's office had alarmed Rossi although he wouldn't admit it to the young profiler.

Reid had solved their case for them and had managed to rescue young Michael while he, himself had still insisted that women did not take older children but newborns. He'd developed a new respect for this young man and his abilities.

"You okay?" he finally asked.

"Mm hmm," Reid nodded. "I'm just trying to get my head around everything."

"Your head or your heart?"

"What do you mean?" Reid turned to look at Rossi.

"You learned a lot about your parents. You found out why your mother insisted you move houses when you were four, because she felt you were in danger. And she was right. No matter what the state of her mental health, she wanted to protect you."

"You also learned the reason your father left. He found living with covering up a murder to protect his family put him at odds with his career and his personal values. You're a lot like him in that regard." Reid's eyebrows rose, partly in disbelief and partly in anger. He didn't want to be compared to his father.

"You don't think so, huh?" Rossi raised one of his own eyebrows. "You wouldn't give up on finding Riley Jenkins' killer even when you thought it might have been your own father. Everyone was willing to turn a blind eye and walk away from Gary Michaels' murder but you. Your values wouldn't let you. Where do you think you got those values?"

"And even though you suspected your father of Riley's and then Gary Michael's murder, he never blamed you or felt betrayed by you. He was proud of you. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to protect your mother but he was proud of your tenacity in trying to right a wrong."

"You think that makes up for everything I went through as a child?" Reid asked disdainfully.

"Of course not. I was a lousy husband and I don't know what I would have been like as a father. Should your father have left you to cope with your mother alone? Of course not, but unlike me, who's been married three times, he never went out and found another life. He never found another woman, married, had more children or stepchildren to make up for the life he'd walked away from. He already had the only child he wanted and he's lived in an almost self imposed exile, following your life and your career in every way he felt he could."

The brown pools looked back at Rossi and he saw the pain, loneliness and hurt the young man had dealt with since he was a child.

"No matter what else you take away from this, remember one thing, whatever the state of Dianna Reid's mental health or William Reid's deficiencies as a husband and father, they both always have and always will, love you." With that Rossi laid his own head on his headrest and closed his eyes. Reid sat in silence for a few moments considering Rossi's words and then rested his own head as he drifted through the darkness into the light.


	4. Picking up the Pieces

_**Picking up the Pieces**_

Rossi and Hotch sat across from each other, talking quietly, as the plane ascended from the runway outside of Chula Vista into the clear blue skies over California to begin the long flight eastward. Emily was reading a novel while Morgan sat with his eyes closed, listening to his Ipod, letting the music soothe away some of the horrors he saw on a regular basis. JJ perused her ever present files, looking for the next case that would take them into another cop's nightmare, another family's personal hell. This case had ended successfully in that Lindsey Vaughn had been found alive. Jack Vaughn's assassination of her abductor had been a more disturbing outcome, however. She glanced up to see Reid looking out the window. He'd been unusually quiet since leaving the school. She and Emily hadn't seen what the others had but they'd been briefed about what had taken place in the boys' washroom. She put down her file when the seatbelt light went off, stood and walked down the aisle to sit across from the young agent.

"What's up?" she said as she made herself comfortable in her seat. "It's not like you to sit by yourself like this, not talking to anyone."

"I'm not very good company at the moment. I can't get the sight of that kid's brains splattering the walls of that bathroom out of my mind. I've seen lots of things but that…"

JJ winced at the thought of what it must have been like for her friend. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's to talk about? I failed. I couldn't talk Jack out of shooting that kid, Ryan. I tried. I told him to remember that he promised his wife that he'd protect Lindsey from the violent life he'd led and if he did this, what was he protecting her from." He laughed disdainfully. "And all the while I was trying to convince him not to shoot, Lindsey's saying, 'kill him daddy, kill him.' I didn't even have a shot at Jack. Lindsey was blocking the way. All I had were my words and they obviously weren't good enough. I asked him when it would end and all he said coldly was, tomorrow."

"Spence," JJ reached a hand out to touch his. "You did everything you could. It sounds like you said all the right things. Rossi's been a hostage negotiator; ask him, the words don't always work."

"And what about Strauss; is she going to take this out on Hotch? He got suspended the last time a civilian killed our unsub in Flagstaff. I don't want him to get into hot water again because of my incompetence."

"I think you should let Hotch worry about that Spence."

"Then when I was at the precinct," Reid continued as if JJ hadn't spoken, "Pat Mannon was all over me because I didn't want to go with him. He thought all I was doing was coloring a map. I mean I knew the geographical profile was the way to go but from the way he talked, I was just some kid, some moron."

"That's because he doesn't know that you're the best geographical profiler there is. He doesn't realize or begin to understand how much we rely on what your maps tell us."

Reid said nothing for a while, mulling over what JJ had said, "Yeah, maybe. You know what the worst part is?" JJ shook her head. "The worst part is that Jack and Lindsey are just going to move on like nothing ever happened, get new identities and start over. He got away with it again because he knows the right things about the right people. And Lindsey, she…she's going to think that murder is the way to take care of things just like her father. They'll just move on to their third life with a clean slate without the slightest thought to those of us who have to deal with the pieces of the mess they leave behind them."


	5. Only Human

_**Only Human**_

Reid brought the SUV to a stop at the airstrip outside of Lower Canaan, Ohio. He, Rossi, Morgan, Emily and JJ boarded the plane and waited for takeoff. Soon the engines began to roar as the plane sped down the runway, going faster with each second until the wheels left the ground lifting the BAU team into the sky and homeward.

"Well that was a different one," JJ said to Emily who sat across from her.

"You got that right," Emily agreed as she bit into one of the cookies Hotch had given them for the flight. "It definitely goes down in my book as one of our strangest cases." She mumbled while chewing on the delicious chocolate.

"I think we need some coffee with those," JJ stood and went toward the back of the jet to make a pot.

Emily glanced across at Reid who sat alone looking out the window. He had a book on his lap but he wasn't reading. "You look perplexed," she said.

"I was just thinking," Reid responded.

"So what else is new," the beautiful brunette chuckled.

"Yeah, I know, I look so lifelike," Reid said sarcastically.

"Reid, I was only kidding when I said that. Who else could figure out that code longhand faster than a computer?" Emily slid over from her seat to sit across from the genius.

"I can't help the way my brain works. Most people think it would be heaven to ace every test at school. They don't realize the down side." He paused for a moment. "You said I looked perplexed. That's because I am. Courtland Ryan was a serial killer and rapist. What he did to women… Don't get me wrong. Psychologically I understand hybristophilia. Shara Carlino moved here from a lucrative job so she could be near the prison where Ryan was incarcerated. Chloe Kelcher saw first hand in that courtroom the depraved way he treated women yet she had his child, she took his body from his grave and she killed other women to carry on his mission."

"I know, it's hard to understand why women would do something like that. I don't get it myself. I can see why you're perplexed," Emily responded.

"No, that's not what baffles me." Reid squeaked. "I get that the wiring in these women's minds is screwy. What I don't get is that this murderer/rapist has all these women fawning over him and I, a fairly nice guy I think, with a steady job, good… no, extremely good education and not that horrible to look at, can't even get a date."

"Reid, I…"

"I know I'm a nerd, a geek. I know I'm not physical and built like Morgan, but I can't even get a second glance. When Morgan threw me the keys, JJ says, 'oh great', like because I'm not Morgan, Hotch or Rossi that I can't drive an SUV. I had to pass the same FBI tests as everybody else. Yet all everybody ever sees is my computer brain. Like Detective Brustin in New York, 'I see you brought your own computer.' I am human Emily. I am a human being." He turned his head at the sound of footsteps. "Here's JJ with your coffee." He opened his book and began to read.


	6. Chopsticks aren't for Chumps

_**Chopsticks aren't for Chumps**_

The plane was quiet. Hotch was working on paperwork as usual. Gideon read and Morgan sat with his Ipod while Elle sprawled out on the bench seat, and slept. No one paid attention to JJ and Reid as they played a game of gin rummy. JJ tossed away a jack of spades which Reid all but pounced on. "Gin," he said, laying his cards down.

"That's it; I'm never going to win with you." JJ threw her cards on the table. "It must be nice to be so good at everything."

"JJ, I'm not good at everything. There are lots of things I can learn from others."

JJ's eyes opened wide. "You may just be right about that." She snapped her fingers and headed for the back of the plane. "With all that went on in taking down the unsub, I almost forgot."

"Forgot what?" Reid said, looking confused, as he shuffled the cards with all the skill of a Vegas casino dealer.

She popped her head out from the back of the plane, "You'll see."

JJ returned a few minutes later with a bowl of delicious smelling popcorn. "Oh popcorn, I love popcorn." He reached to the bowl.

"Uh uh," JJ pulled the bowl away from his reach.

"You aren't going to share your popcorn?"

"Now did I say that?" she said as she put the bowl down on the table. "I know you didn't get a lot to eat last night at the restaurant."

"Then I don't get…" Reid looked baffled again.

JJ pulled her other hand from behind her back, "Voila," she said. "You have to use these." In her hand were two sets of chopsticks in their paper packaging.

"JJ, you know I don't know how to…" Reid began.

"And isn't it wonderful. You don't know something and it's something that I, Jennifer Jareau from East Allegheny can teach you." She sat in her seat, "Please."

"I'm going to look like an idiot," Reid squeaked

"Spence, no one's watching and you'll look less like an idiot the next time we go to a Chinese or Japanese restaurant."

Reid grabbed a pair of chopsticks from her hand. "Alright, I'm all yours Professor Jareau."

"Okay, you hold the bottom one like this," she demonstrated by resting the stick between the bottom of her thumb and the tip of her ring finger. Reid followed suit. "Hold the top one between your index finger, middle finger and the thumb, like you would a number two pencil." She made quotation marks with her fingers winked at Reid as he followed her lead. "Now the bottom one stays stable and only the upper stick moves," like this, she reached into the bowl for a kernel of popcorn and popped it in her mouth.

Reid attempted the feat but could not pick up the popcorn. "I'll never get this, it's no use." He sounded dejected.

"Reid, you didn't make a coin disappear the first time you tried. Just because most things in life come easily to you, not everything will. I've seen those hands do magic." She pointed to his long sculptured fingers. "I know you can do this. Let's try again."

JJ put a second piece of popcorn in her mouth while Reid struggled again. The third time he managed to grasp a piece but dropped it before he got it to his mouth. The fourth time he actually got the popcorn to his mouth and chewed on the salty buttery flavored treat. He continued to hit and miss the kernels, some of them landing on the table and some on the floor. The longer he worked at it the less kernels he dropped until eventually he was using the sticks with fairly good accuracy.

"See, I knew you could do it," JJ smiled, pleased with herself and her student.

"I actually did it," Reid squeaked again as he picked up more popcorn.

Up the aisle Hotch looked up from his paperwork just as Gideon looked up from his book seeing the pair share a bowl of popcorn with chopsticks. Then each returned to their former activity and smiled.


	7. A Dish Best Served Cold

_**A Dish Best Served Cold**_

Morgan removed his ear pods and looked around. Everything was quiet on the plane. JJ, Rossi and Emily were asleep in their seats. Hotch was further up the aisle working on paperwork and Reid was sitting behind him, keeping to himself. Who could blame him after what had happened? He'd seen Hotch go and talk to him earlier although he'd made out like he was sleeping and even though couldn't hear the words he had a feeling what Hotch must have said.

None of them could believe what Reid had done. Morgan realized that Reid identified with Owen Savage. He'd probably felt the same way as Owen did about the kids who'd…

He stood and moved toward the bench seat, taking out his cell as he went. He pushed speed dial.

"Hey stud, what can I do you for? You're on your way home, aren't you?" Garcia's voice came through Morgan's cell.

"Yeah, we are baby girl," he said quietly.

"Are you whispering angelfish?"

"Yeah, I don't want anybody on the plane to hear."

"Why?" There was silence on the line for a few moments.

"Reid did something today that was either really heroic or majorly idiotic and suicidal; I can't make up my mind which, all because he identified with Owen Savage. Hotch talked to him earlier and I think he tore Reid a new one."

"I'm not surprised to hear that," Garcia responded.

"I know," Morgan agreed. "Reid told me about something that happened to him when he was in high school and I can't tell you what because he told me in confidence. He's never told anybody. What I can tell you is if I could get my hands on those people it wouldn't be pretty. I knew he'd been bullied but this… I understand now why he identified so much with Owen."

"What did they do?"

Morgan looked around the plane to be sure he wasn't being observed. "All I'll say is that couple of girls at the school and the whole football team did something really awful to him, to a twelve year old boy Garcia."

"Baby, they didn't…?"

"No, but they did something utterly inhumane to Reid. I totally get his empathy for Owen Savage."

"Who were these girls?"

"Why do you want to know?" Morgan asked suspiciously. "Mama what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Can't tell you my dove, but when I'm done with them, they'll wish they'd never been born."

"Okay but I don't want to know any of the specifics. You and I never spoke," he said and gave her the names.

"Believe me, nobody will ever know, and no, we never spoke. Good night stud." The tech ended the call.

She looked at the names of Lexa Lisbon and Harper Hillman and then pulled up the records for Reid's high school fifteen years ago. "You creeps," she said as she looked at the school pictures of the girls and the members of the football team. There was a sharp intake of breath when she saw Reid's picture. "Oh sweet baby boy," he was so young and innocent compared to the rest of them. He was a child, not a man ready to step out in the world and begin life on his own.

Garcia turned off her computers and gathered her things, heading for the door. Her laptop at home awaited her, she thought as she turned out the lights in her office. She looked at the list of names on her paper while she walked down the hall toward the elevator. Their worst nightmare was about to begin.


	8. Somebody's Talking

_**Somebody's Talking**_

The BAU jet was nestled in the clouds drifting effortlessly it seemed towards Quantico. Morgan had moved down the aisle to take care of some of the ever present paperwork while Reid made a note to himself to remember to buy the book Twilight and rent a copy of A Clockwork Orange, whatever that was about. They'd all seemed to find it quite amusing that he hadn't seen it. Rossi was setting up the chessboard on the table behind them as Reid had convinced him to play by getting the team to admit that he'd only once beaten Gideon. "So you're saying I won't get my clock cleaned," he said as he put the men in their position on the board. "Alright, get over here Reid," he said as the genius jumped at the chance to play his favorite game.

Hotch seemed content to sit off to the side and read a book. "Be easy on him Reid," Emily called out as she brought a fresh ice pack from the back of the plane for JJ's head and plopped down at the other end of the long seat and said quietly, "Alright, tell me about this Lila person. She sounds like someone Reid had met in LA but didn't want to talk about." She patted JJ's knee. "Dish girl."

"Okay, Lila Archer is an actress Spence met at a museum when he was there with Gideon doing a workshop on profiling for the LAPD," JJ whispered. "Very pretty, blonde, curvaceous, you know the type." Emily nodded. "Anyway she had a stalker who was killing people to further her career. The perfect damsel in distress."

"And onto the scene rides the handsome FBI agent," Emily continued the tale

JJ nodded, "That's when we became involved and that's how we already knew Detective Kim. Then the unsub started killing people who were just close to Lila, like her manager. There were some pictures of her and Spence at the museum in this photographer's place so then Morgan was worried that Spence might be a target."

"So did Reid take a shine to this Lila?" Emily asked.

"Well not that he'd admit to anyone buuut Morgan and Elle found them in the pool together at her house. He was there "protecting" her," JJ used her fingers to make quotation marks.

"Of course he was," Emily agreed.

"Uh huh, well, Spence told them that he'd fallen in and, knowing him, he likely did. He was apparently fully clothed at the time." She began to giggle and winced when her head hurt. "His gun was soaked."

"Really," Emily started to giggle as well and covered her mouth to stifle it.

"Some photographer was taking pictures of them. Elle exposed the film but what I wouldn't have given to see those pictures."

"Do you think something romantic was going on?" Emily asked.

"I wouldn't doubt it," JJ responded. "I think Spence's hormones were working overtime."

Emily giggled again. "This is so not Reid. So, did you catch guys catch the guy?"

JJ nodded. "Turned out it wasn't a guy but Lila's PA, some girl named Maggie who had some kind of weird obsession with Lila. She got into Lila's house but Reid took her down."

"So that was the end of everything then?"

"I don't really know if they kept in touch or not but you should have seen them; they were the epitome of the long goodbye. We're waiting to go to the airport and there she and Reid are going on and on and on. Gideon went up to them a couple of times and told Reid we had to go. Morgan went up too and so did her manager or publicist or whoever she was. Meanwhile they're just talking while a bunch of paparazzi are shooting pictures of them from every conceivable angle. Finally he puts his hand on her shoulder and squeezes it and she puts her cheek on his hand and that picture winds up on the front of a tabloid with the headline, ' A New Man in Lila's Life' or something like that."

"Oh my God, you're not serious, Reid on the front of a tabloid with a woman," Emily gasped, amazed.

"It's the truth, I swear." JJ raised her hand. "I'm sure Garcia's got a copy."

"Well, I just can't wait to see that." Emily looked down the aisle at her friend and colleague. "At least we know she wasn't your typical dumb blond."

"How can you say that, you've never met her?" JJ asked.

"Because she obviously knows a good thing when she sees it."


	9. Train of Thought

_**Train of Thought**_

The BAU jet ate up the miles through the clear blue skies between Texas and Quantico buoyed by a strong southwest wind. Elle had been convinced to postpone her interview with William DeVries. Hotch and Gideon both felt she wouldn't be at her best after the day's events and a clear head was necessary in one of these interviews, even though she'd been quick to assure everyone that she'd suffered no ill effects from her confinement in a train by a psychotic Dr. Ted Bryer. The rest of the team had heaved a sigh of relief when both of their teammates whose lives had been in peril had returned to them safely.

"Reid, for a smart guy, you sure don't listen too well," Morgan said from his seat across from the young profiler. "What's the last thing I told you before you got on that train?"

"Not to take off my vest," Reid recited back to his friend.

"And what's the first thing you did when you got on the train?"

"I took off my vest," Reid replied with a sigh.

Morgan gave him a look that said, 'I rest my case.'

"Look Morgan, you weren't there okay. Bryer was not letting me anywhere near him with that vest on. I had to take it off."

"You were supposed to come right out again," Morgan said.

"Yeah, well I was staring down the barrel of a gun and Bryer had other ideas. He didn't seem to care about the higher authority's protocols." He made quotation marks with his fingers. "He was psychotic; you wanted me to argue with him?"

"We were worried about you kid."

"I know Morgan and I know it'll come as a big surprise to you but I'm not a kid. When the situation changed I did what any good profiler would have done, I used the profile and my knowledge of mental illness to try and reach him. You and everyone else on the team know that takes time. I had to gain his trust and make him think I understood. It was working. I was making progress. If you don't believe me, ask Elle. When he turned away from me, I had access to the gun he had tucked into the back of his pants. If Anderson hadn't shot him at that precise moment, I would have gotten the gun and had full control of the situation. There was no need for Gideon to come running in there like he did. I'm not a kid and you guys have to learn to trust my instincts as a profiler. I know I'm not a suave, overly confident, macho guy like you. In fact, the way Elle described the kind of guy we thought was the unsub in Tempe, it sounded just like me; but I do get the job done in my own way."

Gideon unobtrusively observed the two men from his seat up the aisle as he eavesdropped on their conversation. Had he been too hasty in rushing into the train? Should he have given Reid more time, had more confidence in his abilities? He had two agents on that train whose lives were in jeopardy but Reid may have been right about his gaining control of the situation. Had the error in judgment he'd made in Boston that had led to the loss of six agents caused him to overreact when Reid's and Elle's lives were threatened? They couldn't hear any of what Reid was saying to Bryer but from the sound of things he had been making some headway with the mentally disturbed man. If he said it was so, it probably was. Reid wasn't a man given to false bravado, just the opposite, in fact, Gideon told himself. He worked so hard to stress to the law enforcement officers they met throughout the country that Spencer was Dr. Reid so he would get the respect he deserved and not be treated like a kid. Had he then made the same mistake himself due to the profiler's youth?

"You know something Reid, you could be right, and if so, I apologize. It was a brave thing you did going in there alone and unarmed." Morgan paused a moment, smiled and then added as an afterthought, "But you'll still always be kid."


	10. The Reid Effect

_**The Reid Effect**_

"I'm really starting to appreciate the jet," Morgan said as he tried to stretch his legs in the confines of a commercial flight beside Reid.

"Here, here," Rossi chimed in on the other side of Reid.

"Oh man, I'll just be glad to get home and spend some time with Clooney. I think he's starting to believe he's the neighbor's dog and I just visit," Morgan told them.

"Sounds like my dog," Rossi interjected…"And come to think of it, my three wives."

"You didn't have to stay, you know. You could have gone back with the others," Reid said.

"No, we couldn't kid. We had to stay and save you from yourself. Detective Hyde was really starting to get hot under the collar at your interference."

"I had to do it. I can't explain," Reid replied.

"You don't have to," Rossi responded. "We understand."

"All I gotta say is it's a good thing the others went home," Morgan added. "Could you imagine JJ's baby being born in Sin City?"

"Hey," Reid retorted sharply, "I was born in Las Vegas."

"I rest my case little brother."

"You guys hardly have time for your dogs. Where's JJ going to find the time now that she has a baby?" Reid wondered.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. There's not much that lady doesn't handle with organization and class," Rossi said.

"You're right about that Rossi; we're gonna miss her." Morgan looked out the window as the plane neared its destination. "First thing I'm gonna do is change into some sweats and take Clooney for a run."

"Yeah, I better spend some time with Munchie," Rossi agreed.

"I think I'm going to go see JJ and congratulate her."

"Reid, you're not," Morgan said while Rossi looked back and forth between the two of them. "JJ just had a kid and you want to subject her to the Reid effect?"

"What's the Reid effect?" Rossi looked confused.

"Reid gets within ten feet of kids and animals and they start to bark, growl, cry, you name it."

"Very funny Mor…"

"It's an established scientific fact," Morgan looked at Rossi. "Ask Hotch."

"Look, I just want to go say hi and congratulations. JJ was working on my case when she was in labor for God's sake. Garcia said she didn't want to go to the hospital because she thought I needed her. The baby probably won't even be in the room. I could just peek in the window at the nursery and see what baby LaMontagne looks like and spend the rest of the time visiting JJ. Don't worry. Trust me. I'm not going to have anything to do with the baby…"


	11. Workin' It

_**Workin' It**_

Morgan and Reid sat across from Jordan and Emily as the plane climbed into the sunny sky on the flight home from Atlanta. Rossi read a book across the aisle while Hotch sat alone, away from the others, working on paperwork.

"So how did you like your first stint undercover," Morgan asked Jordan.

"It was good. Emily was great to work with," Jordan replied.

"Oh yeah, Emily was really workin' it with Viper," Morgan smiled broadly.

"Oh please, do not remind me of that man," Emily said sharply.

"He's not your type," Morgan feigned shock.

"I pity the woman who thinks he's her type," Jordan interjected. "Ew…" she shivered. "He gave me the creeps."

"How do guys think they can learn anything from that idiot," Emily asked.

"Morgan should be teaching those kinds of classes," Reid chuckled.

"Morgan?" Jordan replied.

"Yeah, we were just passing out flyers and he gets offered four numbers."

"I didn't take any." Morgan paused for a moment. "And look who's talkin' kid. Who was workin' it with that pretty little bartender? You do a little bit of your abracadabra stuff," he waved his hands around, "and you got her eating out of the palm of your hand."

"She wasn't eating out of my hand Morgan."

"What do you call," Morgan raised his voice a few octaves. "What if I don't see him, can I still call you?" He looked at the women and flicked his thumb in Reid's direction. "Then she tells Reid he didn't give her his number and he tells her his card is behind her barrette. You should have seen the look on her face when she pulled that card out of her hair. My man was smokin'." Morgan patted the man he considered a little brother on the back.

"She did call you Reid and her quick action probably saved that girl's life," Emily said.

"Oh yeah, and almost got herself killed in the process. I'm sure I made a lasting impression but I doubt it's the good kind."

"I don't know Reid, maybe when we have a long weekend off, you should perhaps go to Atlanta for a visit. Get Austen to show you the city. Who knows what could happen?" Emily proposed.

"I don't know," he looked out at the sunny sky, the brightness seeming to make reminders of a dark cemetary almost unbelievable. "Georgia doesn't hold very good memories for me."

Everyone went silent suddenly as Jordan looked between Emily, Reid and Morgan wondering why they were all so quiet. It must mean something. At last she said softly, "Maybe it's time to make new ones."


	12. A Long Journey Begins

_**A Long Journey Begins**_

The plane soared through the bright cloudless Georgia skies, the sunshine making one believe it was summer rather than January, although none of those in the plane seemed to notice it. The mood on the jet was somber. They were concerned for their teammate, their friend. Eyes seldom left his form on the bench seat. He usually lay with his long legs stretched out but today he was scrunched tightly, almost into a ball. The hospital had kept him overnight until they were satisfied he did not have a concussion. His EKG had shown that although his heart had stopped for a short period, they saw nothing to indicate lasting damage. A CAT scan had found no damage to his phenomenal brain. They had started an intravenous to give him fluids, cleaned and bandaged his head wound, X-rayed his feet and found that the left foot had several broken bones while both feet were cut and bruised from his shoeless walk in the graveyard. They were now neatly bandaged. Hotch realized that all these things had needed to be done but with everything that Reid had endured it must have all seemed like another assault on his already battered body.

That was only the physical side of things, Hotch thought as he watched his youngest agent. As if that wasn't enough. He'd seem to be sleeping soundly and then suddenly he would twitch and say, "No, I don't want it," in his sleep. Hotch could only imagine what had been visited on him by the psychopath responsible for all those brutal murders.

"It's not your fault you know," Garcia told JJ as the blond agent ran her fingers softly through Reid's hair until his twitching ceased.

"Then whose fault is it? I was with him. I was supposed to have his back. That's what Morgan thinks anyway."

"I'm sure he didn't mean anything by what he said," Garcia replied. "He was just upset and worried about Reid. We all were."

Morgan had put on his headphones like he did on most flights home but this wasn't like any other flight home. They'd almost lost one of their own. He didn't hear the music and he couldn't seem to close his eyes as Reid began to twitch again.

"And then what good were we to him? We're the FBI, we're supposed to be able to find people like Hankel, but no, not us. Reid practically had to tell us where he was, draw us a map. And then when we did finally get there to rescue him, he'd taken care of Hankel all by himself. We…no, I," JJ stressed, "should have been there for him." She paused for a moment. "You know when Hankel had that gun pointed at Reid's head and wanted him to choose one of us to die?" Garcia nodded at her friend. "Every time he pulled the trigger I said to myself, pick me."

"I think we all did JJ," Emily said from her seat across from Garcia.

-----------------

Hotch's normal glower seemed even more pronounced as he continued to observe Reid. "You okay," Gideon said from the seat across the aisle.

"I'm worried about Reid and JJ. I sent my youngest and most inexperienced agents into a deadly situation."

"Hotch, you didn't know that. JJ seems okay and I wouldn't worry too much about Reid. He'll be fine. Reid's brilliant," Gideon replied.

"Does being brilliant make you any less susceptible to torture? Look at him Jason; he's in the fetal position. We all know what that means."

"It's the body's instinctive reaction to extreme physical or psychological trauma, perfectly normal. So his brain is shutting down temporarily, that's totally understandable under the circumstances. Reid's stronger than any of us realize. He's had to be to make it as far a he has in this life. He managed to keep his head about him through it all and give us the clues we needed to find him."

"I'm aware of all that Jason," Hotch said. "I just don't know, I'm still concerned…"


	13. Tunnel Vision

_**Tunnel Vision**_

The jet, nestled in the clouds, appeared to be carried by them back to Virginia. Although the engines were loud, inside the plane was silent. What was there to say after what had happened? The trauma Roy Woodridge had suffered in Somalia had overtaken his mind. This gentle man, believing he was in a war zone, became a killer. Could PTSD, could the result of something too traumatic turn someone into a completely different man?

Emily Prentiss stole a glance at Spencer Reid. It had happened in the case of Roy Woodridge. Had it also happened to Reid? The man she'd seen on this case had not been the man she knew. He had been insolent, insensitive, confrontational and downright rude.

"Hey Prentiss, you okay?" Morgan asked from across the table between them.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You just look like you got something heavy on your mind," Morgan replied.

"This case was a tough one. It was so sad. This country turned Roy Woodridge into a killing machine and then sent him into combat. I suppose I don't think enough about what those men and women go through and how the trauma affects them." Emily said. She glanced again at Reid who sat in his seat with his eyes closed. She could tell by his breathing that he was only feigning sleep. He obviously didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I felt for that guy. It was tough that we couldn't save him but when he went for that kid…"

Emily nodded, "Has Reid said much to you?" she asked, changing the subject.

"About what?"

"About what happened in Georgia," she whispered. "We only saw a small part of it and what we saw was bad enough. I wonder what we didn't see."

"No, he didn't tell me about any of that, why?"

"Well he's not himself. You saw him when he arrived at the briefing. He was late and he looked like hell. He nearly fell into his chair. You saw how defensive he was when I said I'd help him with the geographical profile. That's not the Reid I know."

"Look Emily," Morgan stressed, "he probably just feels he's got something to prove, after allowing Hankel to get a jump on him like that, that he can still do this job. If you or I had been through what he has, we might look like hell too."

Emily bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "You didn't see him at the station house. The noise outside seemed to get to him more than the rest of us."

"It's called hypervigilance Emily and you know as well as I do it's common in PTSD. I think Reid just needs more time."

Should she mention his behavior at the homeless shelter? Did he just need more time? She'd heard what had happened with her predecessor when PTSD had gotten to her. She wanted the guy back who spouted off statistics, who thought faster than he could talk and who, more often than not, couldn't get a joke if you paid him. "Yeah," she said uncertainly, sending off a fervent prayer, "maybe he just needs more time."


	14. Promises to Keep

_**Promises to Keep**_

"So, did you see your friend?" Morgan asked as Reid looked out the window of the aircraft making its homeward journey from New Orleans. Morgan had been trying for two days to get his friend to talk, well more than two days actually. Reid hadn't been himself since Georgia but he wouldn't open up to anyone about it.

"Yeah, yeah I did." Reid replied, still not looking at Morgan.

"So, how is he?" Morgan asked.

"Good," Reid grinned letting out a small scornful chuckle. "He's happy with his music. I guess he made the right decision quitting the bureau on the first day."

Morgan was silent for a few minutes considering what his friend had just said. "So is that what you've been thinking, that you might be happier if you quit the bureau?" Reid put his head down refusing to look at Morgan. "That is what you've been thinking, isn't it? Reid, what I said before still stands. If you want to come up with a better answer than you had no cell service, I'm ready to listen. Everyone on this plane wants to help you man but you have to let us."

"Okay, okay, I missed the plane on purpose," Reid whispered quietly. "There, are you happy now?"

"No Reid I'm not," Morgan whispered back. "How can I be happy when I can see you're going through something that's got you so turned around that you're considering leaving the bureau?"

"I'm not thinking about it any more," Reid admitted. "I just had to see if I could walk away. I know now that I can't. I talked to Gideon or I should say that he talked to me, not that it helped much. He just gave me a load of psychobabble about it not being time to leave until the job stops gnawing at your soul and your hands don't get cold."

Morgan nodded his understanding. "Yeah, there's that." He paused for a few moments. "I know there's more," he looked at the shadows in Reid's eyes. "Maybe you're not ready to tell me yet; maybe you need to tell someone else. Just know that everyone here cares a great deal about you and we'll all be willing to listen whenever you're ready."

Would they all be willing to listen, he asked himself. He glanced down the aisle at Prentiss who flipped the page of the book she was reading. He'd treated her terribly. Would they respect him ever again once they knew the truth? Hell, they probably already suspected it. Ethan had been with him for only a few minutes and he'd known. Maybe if he hadn't gone to see Ethan he wouldn't have to face… No, Ethan had been right. The people on this plane didn't miss much. He couldn't hide from them. So, from this moment onward he had to make sure there was nothing to hide.

"Kid, you okay? Did you hear me?"

He'd promised Gideon he'd never miss another plane. He'd just made an even bigger promise to himself. He planned to keep them both. He looked up at his friend, "Yeah Morgan, thanks."


	15. After the Grief

_**After the Grief**_

Inside the plane was quiet and solemn on the trip home from Nashville as if its passengers were finally able to let their grief for their friend and teammate finally sink in.

"I don't know if I'd be able to come back after something like this," JJ said quietly in the dim light of the cabin. Nobody was reading, sleeping or listening to music like they usually did. They all sat together staring at the darkness outside that mirrored the darkness in their hearts. "If an unsub had tried to hurt Will or Henry like that, I don't know what I'd do. I almost lost it during the anthrax attack."

"Hotch is a tough guy," Rossi assured them.

"Yeah, so was Gideon and look what happened to him?" Morgan added. "He just ended up running away."

"I think Gideon took everything more personally," Emily replied.

"How could he not take Sarah's death personally?" Morgan asked.

"Of course he took Sarah's death personally but I know what you mean Emily," Reid said. "He looked on the people that we saved as family. You saw the pictures he kept in his office. And he even kept that murder book." He paused for a moment. "He wrote me in his letter that a profiler needed solid footing and he didn't feel he had that after Frank killed Sarah. He thought it would be better if he dived back into his work, that it would somehow fill the hole inside of him but, well you know what happened in Arizona. When Anna Begley stabbed Nathan Tubbs and then herself, Gideon kind of lost his confidence in his abilities. He doubted himself as a profiler. He'd never done that before."

"Do you think we weren't there enough for Gideon after Sarah was killed," Emily asked.

"We were there as much as we could be," JJ said. "He wasn't letting us into his grief and pain."

"Sarah never knew what hit her," Reid said. "That probably plagued Gideon; that he was to blame but Haley knew at the end. She knew what Hotch was and what he did and even when she knew her fate, she still loved him and Jack. Like JJ said, Gideon wasn't letting us in but Hotch knows that we've got his back always. As for having solid footing, I think Hotch is grounded by Jack. Gideon couldn't make sense of it but Hotch needs to make sense of it for Jack and I think he will find a way to get past it if only for the fact that Jack is the most important thing in the world to him."

"You're right, Gideon jumped back in too soon. I think Hotch will take a little time," Morgan agreed.

"We'll all just have to be there for him in any way we can when he does come back," Emily proposed.

"Gideon said he was searching for the belief he had when he first met Sarah and it all seemed so right, the belief in happy endings. Hotch talked about when he first met Haley and, despite all we see, he has to find that belief too, for Jack, and he will, I know he will. He'll make sure Jack believes in love and all that's good about it, that he believes in happy endings." Reid's voice cracked. "After all, he promised Haley."


	16. The Power of One

_**The Power of One**_

The sky around Pittsburgh was bright and sunny as the wheels of the jet lifted off the ground. "That was tough," Emily said as she undid her seatbelt and settled herself back into the softly padded tan seats for the flight home. "Detective Baleman brought us all here to find a murderer who was faking suicides and who he suspected of killing his brother and all the time his brother was the only one who'd actually committed suicide."

"Do you think he'll ever believe it?" JJ asked from her seat across from Emily.

"I don't know. Reid said he read the journal and it was the journal of a very emotionally broken man," her colleague replied. "You know as well as I do what Reid can glean about a person from their handwriting."

JJ nodded, "I'd be afraid to find out what he's learned about me."

"The handwriting," Emily added, "that's how he first got the idea that the notes left behind weren't suicide notes but amends. We'd still be scratching our heads."

"I guess Detective Baleman doesn't have any choice but to believe it. If he wants to move on and get some kind of closure he'll have to come to terms with it, right?" JJ stated. "Redding's not going to be charged with Paul Baleman's death."

"Maybe he needs to go to one of those support groups." Emily suggested. "I hope what's happened doesn't deter people from going to these groups for help. It was actually a brilliant place for a murderer to hide. Nobody wants to air anything about what goes on there."

"Like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," JJ said.

"Exactly," Emily agreed. She paused for a moment. "Reid seemed to know a lot about those groups, don't you think?"

JJ rolled her eyes. "Emily, haven't you figured out yet that Reid knows a lot about everything? He knows how many kernels are on your average cob of corn for God's sake."

"Oh, I know…I know," Emily looked out at the cloudless sky. "He…I don't know… he just kind of seemed almost protective of the information he had."

"What do you mean by protective?" JJ asked.

"Well when we asked Garcia if we could get a list, he was so quick to say, 'no they're anonymous, that's how he's been getting away with it'. He seemed to know all about the different kinds of groups and how they were comprised."

JJ raised her eyebrows, "I'll say it again, and that surprises you, why?"

Emily looked down the aisle at Reid who was reading a textbook for one of his philosophy classes. He had never been rude to her since New Orleans and he had never missed another plane or even been late. He'd seemed to have gotten a handle on his problem.

"Emily?" JJ said.

"You're right," Emily replied, looking back at JJ. "It doesn't surprise me at all."


	17. Checkmate

_**Checkmate**_

Morgan sat with his headphones on allowing his music to soothe him after another trying case. JJ and Prentiss were involved in an intense game of cribbage while Hotch worked on paperwork so he'd have more time to spend with Jack. Reid ran his finger down the pages of his book, his lips moving silently as he read. Rossi walked down the aisle with a hot cup of Columbian roast in his hand and sat down across from the young profiler as the plane seemed buoyed by the clouds that carried it home from Atlantic City.

"You did great work on this case," Rossi said causing Reid to look up from his reading.

"Thanks for saying that," Reid said. "It means a lot."

"You really kicked ass with Arthur Malcolm. You seemed to be on fire when we left for New Lives but when we got there you were so quiet. I was surprised for a moment." Rossi's lips curled into a slight smirk. "I shouldn't have been."

Reid took a sip of his own coffee. "Once I figured out my opponent, I made a move he wasn't expecting and the king fell," he replied.

Rossi smirked at the chess reference. "I've heard you were a pet project of Jason Gideon's and you and he played chess a lot."

"I don't particularly like being called a 'pet project'." He made quotation marks with his fingers. "Gideon brought me into the BAU, yes, and I learned a lot from him about chess… and about life," Reid admitted. "And for that I will be eternally grateful."

"But there comes a time when the student outgrows the teacher," Rossi probed.

"I suppose there does. You know Gideon always insisted that I be introduced as Dr. Reid. He thought because of my age the local LEOs would respect me more if my title was used. JJ still does it today. I don't really mind it. I mean I worked hard for those doctorates."

"But…" Rossi said.

"I've worked hard for the right to be called SSA too. It means as much to me as any of my doctorates, maybe more," Reid explained. "So when you said well done Agent Reid, it meant a lot to me."

"It was well done. You were direct and assertive with Arthur Malcolm but you were totally compassionate with Samantha."

"I've learned through the years that unsubs aren't always grizzly monsters waiting in the dark to strike out at the unsuspecting. Samantha was as much a victim as the women she victimized. At least now the Malcolms will both get the treatment they deserve."

"Then check Supervisory Special Agent Reid," Rossi said, raising his cup.

Reid raised his as well, "And mate."


	18. Compassion

_**Compassion**_

"Fifteen two, fifteen four and a pair and I'm out," Emily said triumphantly as she beat JJ at their second game of cribbage.

JJ tossed her cards on the table as Emily gathered up the pegs and put them back in their storage compartment under the board. "I might as well play with Reid," she said.

"Yeah, Reid takes no prisoners when he's got a deck of cards in his hands," Emily agreed. "Although he did manage to snag a couple today."

"I heard Rossi telling Hotch that he really gave it to Arthur Malcolm. I wish I'd been there to see that," JJ said.

"Well he was pretty irate about the ECT when he left the precinct. Figuring out about the rape could only have multiplied that," Emily replied. "But he was so kind to Samantha. Even after they had her he made sure to tell her no one would take her dolls away again."

"At least now," JJ said as she put the cards back in the box, "Samantha will get the help she needs. I'm not surprised Reid was kind to her. It's the kind of man he is."

"Yes, he's very compassionate," Emily agreed.

"Well, so are you," JJ pointed out as she returned from the curtained area where she stored the board and the cards. "You were willing to take Carrie home."

"That's different," Emily argued. "Carrie was a victim. Reid seems to have the capacity to feel compassion even for the unsub."

"Yeah, I guess he was pretty compassionate with Samantha and Owen Savage," JJ replied.

"Not only them," Emily reminded her. "Don't forget Adam and even Tobias Hankel for God's sake. After all that was done to him, Reid still felt compassion for the guy."

"Um hmm," JJ remarked, "Elle told me he was even understanding to this guy named Ted Bryer. He was a guy that was mentally ill and holding a bunch of hostages including Elle on a train in Texas. Reid went on the train unarmed to use a magic trick to pretend to extract a microchip from Bryer's arm. Yeah," JJ nodded her head at Emily's raised eyebrows, "Elle said he showed a lot of empathy toward the guy and was getting through to him."

"I guess coming from a broken home, having lived with a mentally ill parent and being an outsider himself when he was a kid would give him a different perspective on a lot of this," Emily concluded. "He seems to understand them somehow but it never stops him from getting the job done."

"You guys are supposed to get inside the minds of these criminals," JJ said. "Perhaps Reid just does it better than most."

"Yes," Emily mused as she looked out at the white puffy clouds, "we're supposed to get into their heads but sometimes I think Reid seems to find a way to get to their hearts."


	19. Roadthrill

_**Roadthrill**_

The jet soared eastward from the twilight into the darkness. Rossi slept in his seat while Morgan and Hotch were in the midst of a lively conversation. Reid was stretched out on the bench seat, his long lashes touching his cheeks while his head rested on his long fingers, his dark hair falling over his forehead.

"He looks so angelic when he's sleeping, doesn't he?" Emily whispered to JJ. They were sitting on the seat across from him.

"Yeah, angelic, okay," JJ giggled.

"JJ what are you talking about?" Emily asked.

"N…nothing…really," the blond agent replied.

"I'm not buying it. What are you thinking?" Emily would not give up.

"Okay, remember when we were flying to Bend and we were talking about how attached men get to their vehicles?"

"Yeah, of course I remember. You said you had an old boyfriend who washed his car more than his hair."

"Right, men bond with nice cars," JJ remarked, "Hotch, Rossi and Morgan, they all have nice cars."

"Yeah…so?" Emily looked confused.

"Reid said that big cars and trucks are phallic. Guys use them to compensate or overcompensate for being impotent or physically deficient." JJ reminded her.

"JJ, I still don't see where you're going with this."

JJ jerked her head toward Reid sleeping across from them and raised her eyebrows. "You've seen that bucket of bolts he drives…"

"Oh…" Emily's eyes widened as her jaw dropped open. "JJ, you naughty girl!"

"Obviously," JJ whispered as Emily looked at Reid in a new light. "Reid doesn't feel that he has anything to physically compensate for."

"Hmm," Emily said, running her eyes over the length of her teammate's body. "And we know Reid's right about 99% of the time." She sighed, "Thanks JJ, now how am I supposed to work next to him with that image in my head."


	20. Touche

_**Touché**_

The jet carrying the BAU team floated through the night sky leaving Edgewood, New Mexico behind. Why did he feel like every time they left another place where a serial killer had spread his sadistic terror, he never wanted to see that place again? There were monsters everywhere he sadly admitted to himself. If he kept thinking like this he'd never want to go anywhere. JJ was lying down, sleeping, and it reminded Reid of the way the bodies had been posed. Morgan and Prentiss seemed deep in conversation while Hotch worked on papers. He couldn't see where Rossi was.

He hoped that Jody would come through this okay. After hearing from JJ about the pictures she'd drawn he knew she would need intense therapy and he hoped her grandmother would get that for her. His thoughts were broken into by Rossi putting a cup down in front of him. "What's this?" the young profiler asked.

Rossi smirked, "I didn't think I had to make introductions. You and coffee seem to have more than a passing acquaintance. I think I got the sugar right."

"Maybe I should rephrase," Reid responded. "What brought this on?" He pointed to the cup of coffee, "A guilty conscience perhaps for leaving your teammate stranded in a ditch."

"Nah," Rossi scoffed, "nothing to feel guilty about. You got out okay. I had faith in you." He looked more serious, "I have faith in you." He paused for a moment. "You looked rather deep in thought."

Reid told him that he'd been thinking about Jody. "I know what it's like to lose your parents when you're young although I was older and understood more than Jody and I lost one to abandonment and one to mental illness, not death, I still kind of know how she feels. I hope she won't bury her trauma like what happened to me when I was four. You saw first hand what it did to me and I only thought my father was a murderer."

Rossi nodded remembering Reid's anxiety on the hypnotist's couch and his own pleas for the doctor to bring him out of it. "I think we've had too many cases with traumatized kids lately," he said. "At least the weekend's coming up and we'll get a couple of days off."

"That's for sure," Reid smiled, "and I know just what to do with them."

"You've got plans," Hotch said, sliding into the seat beside Rossi and joining the conversation, while Rossi took a sip of his steaming coffee.

"Yeah," Reid replied. "I thought I'd go shopping; get some new shoes, Italian leather. They seem to help out in certain situations."

Rossi looked bemused while the confusion showed on Hotch's face. "If you don't mind my saying, you don't seem like the type for Italian leather Reid," Hotch countered, "very expensive."

Reid raised his coffee cup as in a toast. "As someone recently told me, there's a first time for everything."


	21. Making Sense of It All

_**Making Sense of It All**_

The spirits of the team were solemn as the plane cut through the clouds in the night sky over Texas. Each of the team members seemed to be lost in their own thoughts after what had happened to Sheriff Ruiz. "Poor Sheriff Ruiz," JJ said, "she was such a good cop, left New York for quiet and look what she got?"

"We all know when we put on the shield that it could someday be us," Emily sighed from the seat across from JJ.

"You're right," JJ said as she looked out the window once again. There but for the grace of God go I. I've got to get this off my mind before I get back to Quantico she told herself. She couldn't take thoughts like that home to Henry. "How's your ear?" she asked Emily, trying to think of anything but their fallen sister in arms, while Reid maneuvered down the aisle carefully, lest he spill a drop of his precious coffee.

Prentiss turned from the window and her study of the clouds. "It feels a little better but it still hurts."

"That's because the auditory pain threshold is 130 decibels. An automatic weapon being fired, especially in the confines of a vehicle would be much more than that," Reid explained as he sat down in the seat across the aisle from them.

"Thank you Mr. Everything You Always Wanted to Know about the Senses but Were Afraid to Ask. JJ," Emily said sarcastically, "did you know that smell is the weakest sense and if you just calmly breathe in the odor of decomposing flesh and blood it'll all disappear. I swear, I could taste it!"

"It's because the sense of smell affects the sense of taste. Taste is 75% smell. The brain interprets signals from the nose and tongue," their resident genius replied while blowing on his coffee. "That's the reason things don't taste as good when you've got a cold and your nose is blocked. It probably affected you more than Morgan and me because women generally have more taste buds than men."

"Aargh, I give up," Emily said and turned her head back towards the window.

JJ saw Reid open the book he'd brought with him. The title had made absolutely no sense to her; she could only imagine about the contents, probably something for his philosophy degree she supposed. She gave Emily a small kick under the table. Her teammate looked up. "Do you think," JJ whispered, "that he ever read," she flicked her thumb at Reid, "you know, the original Everything You Always Wanted to…?"

"Oh, I'm sure he did," Emily replied. "I'm sure he's quite educated in that regard, I mean bookwise." She paused for a moment. "After all he knew about the pear of anguish."

"The pear…what?" JJ looked confused.

Emily closed her eyes and shivered. "Never mind, I still have nightmares."

"I was just thinking," JJ leaned forward conspiratorially. "You said Reid told you that smell was the weakest sense. I think I know a way to test that theory."

Prentiss raised her eyebrows.

"I'll get Reid over for dinner. You're invited too if you want. It's about time Reid had some quality time to bond with his godson… and over what better than a loaded diaper."


	22. Payback

Reid kept looking through the cards while Morgan looked over his shoulder, "What are you looking for man?"

"I never lose," Reid stressed loudly.

"There's a first time for everything," Rossi interjected and smirked from his seat behind him.

"So…what, you're fishing through the deck, you think she cheated or something?"

"Three cards for a full house, do you know the probability of that Morgan?" Reid asked as his eyes scanned over the cards and he bit into a pretzel.

"Those are Prentiss' you know," Morgan said laughing and shaking his head as he turned back to his seat and once again set to reading his book.

Emily returned to her seat to find Reid engrossed in a game of solitaire. "So Emily, remember back in the warehouse when you and Morgan "persuaded" me to read those journals?"

"Yes Reid, of course I remember," she said. "But it only made sense," she added in her defense.

"Um hmm," Reid said as he placed the queen of hearts on the king of spades.

"What does that mean?"

"Oh nothing, just um hmm," he said again as the jack of clubs joined the queen. He paused for a moment and then, "You do realize that I was stuck in that sweltering, smelly warehouse while you were out in the fresh air doing my assignment."

"I thought smell was the weakest sense," Emily countered.

"That's beside the point and no fair using my own words against me."

"So what, exactly, are you saying?" She looked at Reid suspiciously but he kept his eyes on the cards as a nine of diamonds met up with a ten of spades.

"It was agreed that you and Morgan owe me, right?" He still didn't look up from his cards.

"Ooookay," she said. "Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like where this is going?"

"Emily, you know I'm a genius…"

"Yes Reid," she groaned, "I know you're a genius."

"Let me finish please. You know I'm always interested in higher education."

"Okay," Emily agreed, quite confused now as to what this was about.

"So, next time you book a sin to win weekend in Atlantic City…book for two."

Emily's eyes opened to their widest. "Oh no Reid, no way, I'm not…."

"Uh uh uh," Reid raised one of his long sculptured fingers to stop her, "you just agreed you owe me."

"Yeah Reid but….!"

"Emily, you know what they say about payback."


	23. Songbird

_**Songbird**_

Dark clouds filled the sky over Boise as the jet left the city behind and reached its cruising altitude on the trip back to Quantico; another sick unsub, who had turned out to be one Robert Johnson, aka watcher 89, now behind bars. The problem was there were so many left out there. "I'm getting off facebook," Emily said to JJ as Reid walked toward the back of the plane to get a cup of coffee.

"It's probably too late for that," Reid said as he passed.

"That's comforting," Emily replied. "And probably true," she relented with a sigh.

Reid returned to his seat with his coffee and picked up the philosophy textbook entitled Postmetaphysical Thinking, which he'd brought with him as part of the required reading for his philosophy degree. One of his long fingers ran over the words as the pages turned at warp speed. His finger came to a halt as his cell phone rang. He took it from his pocket and his eyes narrowed as he looked at the call display, "Garcia."

"Hi sweet boy, how are you?" He heard the usually perky tech's voice in his ear. It sounded like she was fighting to hold back the tears.

"I'm fine Garcia. What about you? You don't sound alright. Don't you usually call Morgan?"

"I guess I'm still shaken a little about letting that woman die while Hotch told me to look for the viewers. We didn't even try to save her."

"We tried Garcia, you tried," Reid told her. "But we never would have gotten there in time. The best way to get Johnson was through the viewers logged on. Hotch did the right thing."

"I guess so," she agreed, "just sitting here in front of my computer screens and watching someone die reminded me so much of…"

"Georgia," Reid finished for her, realizing now why she had called him instead of Morgan or one of the girls.

"Did you think about it? I mean did it bring back memories?" She asked.

"Yes Garcia, I think there will always be reminders." Truth be told, he had thought briefly of Georgia after watching the unsub kill Allison Kittredge the way Tobias Hankel had killed Pam and Mike Hayes, before forcing his mind back on the case and catching the unsub.

"Okay, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and if you need some TLC, my door and my arms are wide open sweetcheeks."

"Th…thanks Garcia, I think I…I'll just go to a movie."

"Okay, if you're sure but babycakes, remember it was you who figured out the unsub's obsession with the facial symmetry and who the next victim would be. You did great work."

"We wouldn't have been anywhere without you and your computer genius, you know that Garcia."

"We did it together; we saved one tonight. You feel good about that, right?"

"I do Garcia." He paused for a moment. "A few years ago I was having nightmares about a baby being in a circle and me not being able to get to it before something awful happened to it. Gideon told me that we don't always beat the monsters to the babies but we save enough to make it worthwhile."

"Okay honey, if you feel that you want company after your movie, I've got a very comfortable couch and lots of DVDs."

"Thanks Garcia, I'll remember that." Reid said, his eyes watering, touched by his friend's kindness. How like this vibrant and gentle woman to worry about him when he was surrounded on the plane by people who cared while she was stuck alone in her office having to face the reality of not being able to reach Allison Kitredge in time and Hotch ordering her to concentrate on the online viewers instead.

"Oh, one more thing," her voice brightened and brought him back from his thoughts, "that haircut, you look so utterly adorable. What woman could say no to you? Kevin thought he had to worry when Morgan and I shared a room in Alaska. Wait until he gets a load of you. I sense some major kissing up in my future."

Reid laughed at his friend. If anyone could bring joy to a cloudy day it was Garcia. "Glad I could help." Who knew, after the 'movie,' maybe he would benefit from some time with his friend, and, from the sound of things, maybe she would too. They could help each other dispel the unpleasant memories that were still lurking too near the surface for comfort. That's what friends were for.


	24. What Every Woman Wants

_**What Every Woman Wants**_

Reid passed JJ and Emily going down the aisle carefully carrying a cup of his favorite steaming brew. "JJ," Emily whispered. "What do you think of Reid's new haircut?"

"I like it. I almost burst out laughing when Hotch made that boy band remark," the blond agent replied.

"Oh I know, and it was so totally lost on Reid. I like it too. He looks so different," Emily agreed.

"I was noticing that it's not only his hair that's looking better," JJ added.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked innocently.

"Oh what do I mean," JJ repeated, "as if you don't know; I saw you turn your head just now when he walked by. What could you have been looking at Agent Prentiss, his newly acquired butt perhaps?"

"JJ," Emily gasped. "You've got a fiancé and son at home."

"Hey, there's no moratorium on looking."

"You are right though," Emily agreed, turning back to face JJ. "He has filled out nicely… in all the right places."

"It's probably those crutches," JJ said. "He was going on about it one day. Apparently it doubles your oxygen uptake or some such thing and increases your heart rate. He said it was kind of like cardio."

"Yeah, when I went to see him in the hospital he had one of those triangle things hanging over his bed. He had to pull himself up every few minutes to work his shoulder muscles for crutch walking. He listed all the muscles of course but they went out of my head as soon as he said them."

"They obviously worked," JJ said. "He looks great. The only thing he needs now is a nice girl."

"JJ, I do not like that look in your eye," Emily responded.

"Oh come on, wouldn't you like to see Reid get a little lovin' as Morgan would say?"

"Of course I would JJ, but I don't think we should get involved," the brunette held her hand up in protest.

"Emily, you know as well as I do that he's too shy and self conscious to go asking a girl out so we have to find someone nice to introduce him to. I mean he's perfect. What's every woman looking for?"

"I don't …this is ridiculous," Emily said as JJ stared at her. "Okay, good looks, for one."

"Tick," JJ said as she made a check mark on an imaginary list.

"Nice body."

JJ gave Reid a long look over and winked, "Tick."

"Well educ…we won't even go there."

"Tick."

"Easy to talk to."

"Do you know any subject Reid doesn't know something about?" She waited a few moments while Emily pondered. "Tick."

"Good job."

"Tick."

"Good sense of humor."

"Tick."

"A gentleman."

"Tick."

"Not conceited or arrogant."

"Tick."

"Kind."

"Tick."

"Trustworthy."

"Tick."

"Good in bed," Emily smirked.

JJ pondered for a moment as she looked at Reid in a new light. "If there's one thing we know about Reid, he's a quick study… Tick." JJ pulled her phone from her pocket. "We could get Jordan to help out too. She'll know a lot of women in counter terrorism," she said as she hit speed dial.

"_Sweet girl, what can I do ya for?"_ Garcia's voice said in her ear.

"Well Garcia, Emily and I have a little project we need your help on…"


	25. Chapter 25

_Transportation_

Rossi stretched his legs out in front of him and into the aisle as he watched Morgan, cup of coffee in hand, saunter towards him, past Hotch, who was dozing on the bench seat. He stopped briefly at the seat where JJ and Prentiss, who sat across from Reid, seemed to have given in to the lure of the sandman while Reid, it appeared from Rossi's vantage point, wasn't asleep, although his eyes were closed. He wore ear buds attached to a discman and appeared to be intent on listening to whatever was being played. Morgan picked up the disc case that lay on the table, interested in what captured the genius mind tonight, and squinted in the dim light of the cabin, the aisle lights providing the only illumination, to see what his friend was listening too. His eyebrows raised, somewhat surprised at what he saw, and he placed the case back on the table before carrying on. "Not tired," he addressed Rossi when he finally arrived at his seat.

"I am," Rossi replied as Morgan set his coffee on the table and sat down. "I just haven't been able to fall asleep. You won't be able to either if you keep drinking that stuff," he inclined his head towards Morgan's steaming brew.

"I know," Morgan looked at the mug in front of him. "But, after some cases you just don't wanna sleep, you know. It's like you'll relive it all over again in your dreams, but it'll somehow be worse, even when you think there's no way it could be."

"Hotch and the girls seem to have found the magic formula," Rossi said. "Reid's still awake. You seemed surprised at what he was listening to."

"I was," Morgan turned his head to look back at his friend, "To Kill a Mockingbird."

"An excellent book," Rossi replied.

"That's just it, it's a book Dave. The kid's probably read it before. He's read just about everything, and if he hasn't, the book would take him, what, five minutes? And it's not like some of us, you know, will reread a book to refresh our memories. Reid's got an eidetic memory so why listen to it on CD?"

Reid sunk a little deeper into his seat, and like this jet that took them from one place to another, he was transported to the intolerant times of depression era Alabama. The soothing voice of Sissy Spacek, as young Scout, told him of her adventures with her brother Jem and their friend Dill through the seasons of their youth, and how they were guided by their strong and wise father, Atticus Finch; how, through those experiences, she had come to understand, as some never do, he thought, that those who were different, weren't always wicked or wrong, and furthermore, that monsters weren't always what we thought they were.

As the reader's voice carried him through the story, it seemed to muddle and mingle in his mind with another voice and he was, yet again, transported to another time. He could hear her read, watch her lips move, and see the pages being turned by beautifully sculptured hands. Those words and those hands had led him through many adventures, lessons and discoveries, about the world, about life, and about himself. He snuggled even deeper into the soft leather as if he somehow felt he was being wrapped in a loving embrace.

Rossi watched him in his seat across from Morgan, "I think he has his reasons," he said.


	26. Tattoo Parlance

**_Tattoo Parlance_**

"Can you believe that man with all those tattoos?" JJ said as she and Emily sat across from Morgan and Reid on the trip home from Tallahassee. "Ugh!" She shook her head.

"You got something against tattoos JJ?" Morgan asked.

"No, not normally, but that was like, so eerie, and…well you can't say that you appreciated those tattoos Morgan?" JJ asked with disbelief.

"The artwork was excellent, but yeah JJ, I get your disgust at the whole thing. It was pretty creepy," Morgan replied.

"Yours aren't bad Morgan but …." JJ left the sentence unfinished.

"Would either of you ever consider getting a tattoo?" Morgan asked the women.

"What makes you think I haven't got one?" Emily responded.

"You got a tat," Morgan looked surprised, "where?"

"That is for me to know and for whoever I wish to share it with to find out," Emily told him.

"Ooh hoo, now that there is a challenge Prentiss, you know that?" Morgan thought for a moment. "Now what kind of tattoo would you have?"

"Most tattoos have some kind of meaning," Reid interjected. "Like yours Morgan, the tribal tattoo is one of the most common tattoos and the lion symbolizes an image of strength and leadership."

"That goes right along with you being such a tough guy Morgan and, for a while, our fearless leader." JJ said.

"Stars represent guidance and luck while crosses are often used by Goths," he raised an eyebrow towards Emily, who glared at him in return, "and those who wish to profess their religion."

"Dragons have also long been popular as a symbol of power and mystery, creatures to be feared and worshipped; while the Phoenix represents a hunger for immortality. Butterfllies," he glanced at JJ, "and flowers are quite popular with women. Snakes symbolize renewal due to the snake's ability to shed its skin but also temptation and knowledge."

"Sounds like the perfect one for you Reid." Prentiss said.

"Me!" Reid squeaked.

"Sure man, why not?" Morgan turned to look at his friend.

"That kind of thing's not for me." Reid said

"Why, you know my man, chicks dig tattoos. You might end up gettin' a little lovin'."

"Morgan, women," he replied, noting how JJ and Emily had grimaced at his friend's use of the word chicks, "might 'dig', " he made quotation marks with his fingers, "tattoos, I'm sure that's why Juliet Moore fell for, and even assisted a murdering rapist like Burke, but they don't dig me. So, why would I be any more likeable if I had a piece of artwork on my body?"

"I wouldn't say that," Emily and JJ said together and then laughed.

"You wouldn't say what?" Reid asked.

"That women don't dig you," JJ replied. "Look at Lila and Austen. They certainly duuug you."

"I think it was more that I happened to be there when their lives were in danger."

"Oh no," Emily replied. "I can't speak for this Lila person, but from what JJ and Morgan tell me, she was quite into you. Oh yeah, and Garcia showed me the tabloid." Reid glowered at his two teammates. "And, from what I hear, Austen wanted to know if she could call you even if she didn't see anything, so yeah, I'd say she dug you." Reid turned his glare on Morgan. "It's just too bad they were both in different cities from you. You just haven't found the woman who truly appreciates how much you have to offer. She's out there." The seatbelt lights flashed and the team readied themselves for landing.

xxxxxxxxx

"Hey Reid," Morgan said after they'd deplaned and the two men put their sunglasses on, while walking down the tarmac into the bright Virginia sunlight. "Do you think Prentiss really has a tattoo?"

"Are you kidding Morgan, she's someone who participates in a sin to win weekend, I'd say anything is possible."


	27. To JJ

_**To JJ**_

Reid stared out the window as the plane flew them back to Quantico. His gaze occasionally shifted to Hotch who sat at the back of the plane going through a stack of files to decide which locality's nightmare they would tackle next. How did someone decide such things, he wondered, which crimes would fall under their radar and which would have to wait for another day? The stern expression, that seemed permanently etched on Hotch's face, appeared even more so now as he surveyed the array of crimes before him. How did he leave it all behind and go home and smile for Jack? He guessed it had been the same for JJ. She'd had to put all the images she saw away when she went home to Henry.

JJ, this had been their first case without JJ. Well, technically she'd been on maternity leave for a while, but she'd been replaced and they knew she was coming back. Now they had no such hopes. Hotch said he wasn't filling the position, and Reid could understand why. Who could replace JJ? It was funny when you thought about it, he smirked, JJ's outer beauty and poise combined with her inner strength and intelligence, her sense of humor and her endless caring, juxtaposed with the ugly, grizzly, dark and violent job they did seemed totally out of sync. And yet it wasn't, she was a perfect fit, like a hand and a glove. Then power had reared its ugly head and suddenly she, and they, had had no choice in the matter.

"Hey Reid," Emily said, across from him while Morgan, sitting next to her had his ear buds in, listening to his I-pod. Rossi was stretched out on the bench seat, able to sleep now that they had taken care of his box of evil. They'd open a new one tomorrow, Reid thought as he looked at Emily.

"Yeah," he replied.

"You look like you've got something heavy on your mind, want to talk about it."

"Something heavy," Reid gave a weak chuckle. "Yeah, I guess you could say that, the two thousand pound elephant that's sitting in the seat beside me."

"JJ," Emily said softly. They all missed JJ, of course, each in their own way, but she'd noticed it had been particularly hard on Reid and Garcia. He looked like a little boy lost sometimes. There were moments when his soulful brown eyes made you want to cry. Garcia was right. They were a family, albeit not in the traditional sense, but a family nonetheless. Reid had lost so much in his biological family; his father leaving him when he was ten and his mother being ripped from his arms more slowly and agonizingly by a mental illness. He'd found another family and had felt grounded at last. Now, because of some ridiculous power play by the Pentagon, a member of that family had been ripped from him again. "We managed," Emily tried to stress something good.

"Yeah, I know we managed and we solved the case but when we talked to those parents and the fiancé, yes, we asked all the questions and got the answers, but how hard was it for them. It would have been so much better if JJ had been there. She would have been a comfort to them that none of us could be."

"You're right Reid," Morgan said, removing the buds from his ears after Emily had poked him with her elbow. "But there's nothing we can do about that. Maybe we have to think, 'what would JJ do or say'."

"I know, I can think what would JJ do or say, but it comes naturally for her, for me…"

"Reid, don't sell yourself short man. You've grown a lot since I first met you. You're not nearly as awkward as you used to be," Morgan said.

Reid stared at Morgan for a moment, "Thanks, I think."

"Reid," Emily added, "JJ's still in DC, not that far away. You can still call her up and see her and you have your godfather duties, don't forget. Think of it as your sister moving out of the house. She might not be there anymore but she's still your sister. You still love each other and you know that if either of you ever need each other; the other will be there for them. Look, when we get back, let's go out for a drink. Hotch and Rossi might not come but you, Morgan, Garcia and I are going. We're going to talk about JJ, have some laughs and have a drink for her."

"Sounds like a plan," Morgan said as he looked at Reid who was about to speak. "Shut up kid, you're in."

Emily pulled her cell out. "I'm calling PG."

Rossi opened one eye as he listened to the three younger profilers talk. He would be there, and he'd make sure Hotch was too. They all needed this. None of them could afford to miss the chance to raise their glasses and say, "Here's to JJ."


	28. The A Team

_The A Team_

Hotch sat at the back of the plane as it took them home from Akron shortly after daybreak. He watched Morgan, Prentiss, Reid and Garcia as they talked and laughed together. He couldn't hear what was being said, but he was glad it was. They needed this relief, this laughter, after all they'd seen and all that had gone on with the team recently.

"You look lost in thought," Rossi said, across from him. "What's on your mind?"

"My team," Hotch replied.

"What about them?" Rossi asked.

Hotch was silent for a moment. "I don't stop to consider often enough how awesome they are. And don't you dare tell them I said that," he warned his friend, his usual glower becoming even more pronounced.

"Mum's the word," Rossi promised.

"I guess with the loss of JJ, it's hit me extremely hard how much I took her, and her overwhelming abilities, for granted. She took so much weight off my shoulders."

"Yeah," Rossi agreed, "you don't replace someone like JJ."

"And then Garcia stepped in without being asked, because we were a man, or in this case, a terrific woman, down."

"She did pretty well." Rossi said. "She had everything under control when we arrived and she was very good with Mr. Keplar. I think her experience with counseling families of murder victims helped her in that situation."

"You're right, I just don't think she was totally prepared for what being in the field involves." He paused for a moment, and then allowed his lips to curl into an ever so slight and brief smirk. "I almost laughed at the Dr. Reid remark."

Rossi waited, knowing there was more to this story.

"Gideon started it, the doctor thing." Hotch said, as Rossi watched his friend's eyes go back in time. "Gideon met him on one of the recruitment seminars and insisted that we needed him on the team. He got the bureau to relax the rules so Reid could enter at 21. A lot of young people enter at 23 and wait for years until they can snag a position in a unit like ours, but there was Reid, 21, fresh out of training, in the BAU. So Gideon decided, because Reid looked so much like a kid; oh Dave, he really did look like a kid in those days. Anyway, he decided that he should always be introduced as Dr. Reid so that the people we dealt with would show him respect and take him seriously."

"You're having second thoughts about that now?"

"It's just that he's grown so much. He's not that young kid and I can't see anyone not respecting him or taking him seriously. I can't count how many cases we've solved because of some little thing that brilliant mind has come up with. You've seen it yourself. He's earned respect that should have nothing to do with the letters that are before or after his name. This case for example, he thought he could get information out of Marianne Thomas since he wasn't an alpha male. Most guys would like to strut around with their chests puffed up, pretending to be alpha males, even when they're not, and would be very unlikely to admit it. But not only was Reid willing to admit it, he thought he could help the case, not despite not being an alpha male, but because of it."

"He's finally grown comfortable in his own skin," Rossi replied, nodding his head.

"And Prentiss, she's proven the lengths she'll go to for this job and this team. I could hardly bare to hear what was going on with her in Colorado, when all the time she assured us 'I can take it.' When she had the chance to whisper in Strauss' ear about the team, she refused, choosing to resign rather than resort to those tactics."

"She's a hell of an agent, no matter who her parents are," Rossi acknowledged.

"Morgan took over for me when I stepped down in the midst of the Foyet thing. He didn't want the headache but he took it for this team. He did well. He deserves to have his own team one day. He's even offered to help with paperwork if need be, so I can get home to Jack."

"I guess that proves they're all better spellers than I was," Rossi admitted.

"Spellers?" Hotch's eyes narrowed.

"Unlike me, they all know there's no I in TEAM."


	29. Question of the Day

_**Question of the Day**_

"So," Morgan said as they left Indiana behind on their way back to Quantico. "Do you think he's ever been?"

Prentiss turned from the window and looked at him with confusion.

"Reid, I mean, do you think he's ever been to see an exotic dancer?"

"I don't know. He was quick to assure the dancer we were talking to that he wasn't judging her; he'd grown up in Las Vegas by God. So, who knows, he might have."

Morgan shook his head, "Reid seems too innocent for that."

"Innocent, sminocent," Emily responded. "You know Reid's got a normal curiosity, a more than normal curiosity and, all innocence aside, he's a guy after all."

Morgan kicked Prentiss under the table as Reid sauntered back from the restroom and took his seat beside Emily. "Why don't you ask him?" she said.

"Ask me what?" Reid wanted to know as he lifted his coffee cup to his lips.

"Morgan was wondering, you know, if you'd ever been to see exotic dancing."

Reid choked on the coffee he'd just sipped. "What?" He squeaked, causing Rossi in the seat behind the threesome to smirk. This could get interesting.

"It's a simple question genius," Morgan replied.

"Technically, exotic dancing can mean different things depending on the context." Reid spouted as he tented his hands in front of him. "Exotic means not native, or foreign, so exotic dancing could be any kind of dancing that doesn't conform to normal customs or steps like ballroom and Latin dance do. Whirling dervishes, shamans, even breakdancing could all be considered exotic dance."

"You know what I mean Reid." Morgan replied.

"The striptease part of exotic dancing was believed to have begun with Mata Hari. Her real name was Margaretha Zelle McLeod who moved from the Netherlands to the Dutch East Indies. She became interested the Indonesian dancing traditions and joined a local dance company. 'Mata Hari' is Indonesian for sun or, more literally, eye of the day. When she parted from her husband, she went to Paris where she began performing as a Dutch exotic dancer, the most legendary part of her act being when she would gradually relieve herself of her clothing. She later became a courtesan for many high ranking government and military officials, and it was believed that she took information they let slip to her during their liaisons and passed it on to the Germans in World War 1, but that was never totally proven and she may have been completely innocent. She was executed by a firing squad in France for espionage." Reid finished, stopping for a breath.

Morgan laughed. "Oh man, I'd love to see you on the witness stand."

"K…Kurt Vonnegut dedicated his novel Mother Night to Mata Hari," Reid looked back and forth between Prentiss and Morgan.

"Enough with the Mata Hari kid, it's a simple question." Morgan groaned, the exasperation evident in his voice. "Have you ever been to a strip joint?"

Reid was quiet for a moment. "Reid," Emily said, touching his hand, which rested on the armrest between them, with her own. "I won't think less of you if you have."

"And," Reid paused for a long moment, "if I haven't."

"Then we're going on our next night off," Morgan replied.

"Okay, okay I…"

"What do you think?" Rossi looked up from his book and whispered to Hotch who had just looked up from the paperwork he'd apparently been working intently on, although his friend knew he too had been eavesdropping on the conversation between the three younger profilers.

"Well, on one hand, there's his natural inquisitiveness…" Hotch began.

"And on the other, his awkwardness around women," Rossi finished for him.

"Yes, there's that," Hotch agreed.

Rossi was pensive for a moment. "I'd say it's a definite…"

"Maybe," Hotch concluded.


	30. Justice

_**Justice**_

Reid exited the plane's restroom, but instead of going back to sit with the others, he chose to sit by himself on one of the single seats, not bothering to turn his head when Rossi passed him on the way to the bathroom. He squinted at the bright sunlight streaming through the window and pulled the shade down a little lower. As he looked into the November sky, he felt, rather than saw, Rossi plop down in the seat across from him. "You look deep in thought," he said.

"I know you don't think this case was a loss. I'm well aware that we got Robert and Anna back, and I'm grateful for that, believe me, but the fact that Shane Wyland is still out there…" Reid gritted his teeth and his lips set in a grim line.

"We don't catch everyone, and that's a fact you'll have to get used to," Rossi stated. "Our luck doesn't always hold."

"That's a bitter pill to swallow when you're standing there with a family member like I was with Mr. Lanham. I gave him Daniel's jacket, proof of what that animal had done to his son, and then told him that he'd gotten away, free to molest another boy, and another after that."

Rossi saw Reid's long fingers curl into fists, an anger he seldom saw from the younger man as he once again looked out the window. "We've seen this kind of thing before Reid. You're not naïve, so why are you so angry?"

"I was thinking of Joe Lanham and how long he'd searched for Daniel, only to give up in March when he somehow knew his son was dead. It made me think of Sarah Hillridge. I talked to her a lot while the rest of you were at Mosley Lane." He paused for a moment. "She never gave up hope that she'd find Charlie. I guess it was just seeing the lengths that these parents would go to to find their children, her searching the net and building up her own profile and him searching again and again for his son until…" His voice trailed off. "They both had a feeling."

"And," Rossi prodded, thinking he may finally be getting to the point of all this.

"My mother had a feeling," he said at last. "She had a feeling that I was in danger. She insisted we move houses to get me away from a pedophile. Well, you know what happened after that. A whole chain of events that dismantled my family and ended with me hating my father so much that I was willing to believe he was one of these monsters." Reid stopped for a moment but Rossi said nothing, knowing Reid would speak when he was ready. "I kept pushing and pushing, refusing to accept my father's innocence even when Gary Michaels was handed to me on a platter. When we discovered his body had been found in the desert, I still wouldn't give up my vendetta. I was so sickeningly self righteous. So now Lou Jenkins is in jail." He paused again. "I'm not saying I condone what he did, but I can understand it. And I don't know, if it happened today, if I…I might look the other way."

"Your values and your need for answers wouldn't let you do that then." Rossi replied.

"So, am I losing my values?" Reid asked.

"No, I think you're just coming to the realization that the world isn't black and white and as big an IQ as you do have, the answers aren't always easy."

"You know a few years ago we were hunting for a vigilante killer in New York. He was killing people who'd been acquitted on technicalities. We were talking to this guy at 100 Center Street and he asked me how old I was. At the time I was twenty-four. He told me to wait six years and see if then part of me didn't feel that what that guy was doing wasn't such a bad thing."

"And," Rossi said again.

"That time's almost up."


	31. Sleepless in the Sky

_**Sleepless in the Sky**_

The white wings of the jet split the blackness of the night sky as the Gulfstream wended its way homeward, carrying the BAU team from yet another particularly ugly case. Most of the lights in the cabin were off. Reid lay sprawled on the bench seat while Prentiss and Seaver sat across from him, both of their heads drooping in sleep. Morgan sat alone, his ear buds in, but his deep rhythmic breathing had nothing to do with the beat of the music and only proved that he, too, had been overtaken by Morpheus. One light remained on over Hotch who, unlike the others, was still very much awake, his eyes going over the sleeping forms of his team and finally resting on Reid.

"What's keeping you up tonight?" Rossi, who was sitting across from Hotch, asked, without opening his eyes.

"Just can't sleep, I guess," Hotch replied.

Rossi opened his eyes, straightened up in his seat and turned his head following Hotch's gaze. "Care to talk about it," he said at last.

Hotch put his hand to his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Something's up with Reid," he said.

"Ya think," Rossi responded. "He took off his vest and went into that house alone. Why would he do that?"

"I don't know," Hotch sighed. "I didn't think he'd do something like this again. The last time he went off on his own to pursue an unsub, things didn't turn out too well for him."

Rossi raised his eyebrows.

"No Dave, I can't talk about it."

Rossi nodded his head, "Enough said. Are you going to talk to him about it?"

"I have to Dave. I have to try and understand what was going on in his mind to make him do that. We were all right there; all he had to do was ask for backup."

"Understand what's going on in Reid's mind," Rossi repeated. "Good luck with that."

"He couldn't have been thinking clearly. I wondered earlier if he was alright. Morgan thought he was, but now I'm not so sure."

"He did manage to put together the information that Julio gave them about the tongue that led us to Walker," Rossi reminded him. "That's vintage Reid."

"Yes," Hotch agreed slowly, still not convinced.

"What's bothering you?"

"I don't know. I think Reid's not being completely truthful with me… us…. He faked a headache to distract Walker; did you believe that? Then there was that bracelet that Julio gave to him, to protect him from something," Hotch pondered.

"Reid seemed as confused by that as anyone," Rossi said. "You can't really be that concerned because some leader in a religious cult gave Reid a bracelet. Maybe it was just a thank you for saving his and Elian's lives and he truly believes those beads will protect Reid. You know the religious significance these cults place on certain objects."

"I'm not concerned that Julio gave Reid the bracelet." Hotch's countenance took on an even sterner expression, if that was possible as he turned his head from looking at Reid and faced Rossi. "I'm concerned because he's wearing it."


	32. Whispers

_**Whispers**_

Emily Prentiss didn't bother to stifle a yawn as she exited the lavatory and made her way back to her seat, hoping the little bit of sleep she'd gotten, and might still get before reaching DC, would erase the memories of the gruesome images they'd seen in Miami, knowing even as she thought it, it was a pipe dream. The plane was in total darkness, except for the aisle lights. The cabin was silent, save for the occasional snore or snort from one of the men. As she reached her seat, she spied Morgan waving her over to him. She walked the short distance between them, bent down and whispered, "What?"

"Sit," Morgan said just as quietly.

Emily took the seat across from Morgan, giving him a pointed look indicating he should get on with it, although, she told herself, it likely wasn't visible in the darkness of the cabin.

"Have you talked to Reid?" Morgan whispered, bending forward.

"No, why?" Emily responded in kind.

"Something's not right. He took off his vest Emily and went into that house alone. How could he do something that crazy after what happened with Tobias Hankel?"

Emily turned her head to look at her friend on the bench seat. He was visible in the light from the moon and appeared to sleep soundly although it looked like somehow he was in pain. His brows were low and his eyes closed tight, like he was waiting to be hit over the head with something. "You don't think he's doing…?"

"No, I don't think that, but when we went to the soup kitchen he was quiet on the trip, barely saying a word. I had to mention that he hadn't spouted off any statistics, I mean, who's ever had to prod Reid for statistics and then all he could come up with was that the area was named after their word for alligator. He seemed like he wasn't concentrating."

"That happened when he, Hotch and I went to the train station. Hotch teasingly accused him of ogling girls. Then, in your absence, I had to make a joke that is slashed his IQ down to sixty. It's not like him to lose his concentration." She paused for a moment. "But he did figure out the significance of the tongue and Walker, and he did discover where they were."

Morgan shook his head, as if still not convinced. "When he was in the interrogation room with Julio and the guy started speaking in tongues, Reid just sat there, no reaction. Then after we went in there the second time with the news that Elian was missing and Julio was going to look for him, he said something to Reid about his head splitting because it was full of ghosts. He said, ' Think you can do this job day in day out and you don't carry it wit ya. It's eating your soul'."

"So do you think there's anything to what Julio said, that this is something to do with the job? You don't think it could be…?

"His worst nightmare come to life, I don't know Emily," he paused for a moment and then repeated, "I don't know. All I do know is that Reid could have gotten himself killed today, so… I guess, either way, we've got to find out."


	33. Points to Ponder

_**Points to Ponder**_

The gulfstream flew southward from Montana carrying the team home from the bloodbath Syd and Ray had left in their wake. So many innocent lives had been lost. Morgan's ear buds attempted to infuse his mind with music, but all he could think of was that little girl watching her father die violently in front of her. He knew what that was like. He could hear Rossi talking across from him, but the words were drowned out by the music. "What?" he asked, removing the buds from his ears.

"I said Reid sure knew a lot about the twelve step program," Rossi remarked.

Morgan forced a small chuckle in an attempt at levity. "Reid knows a lot of things about a lot of things, you know that Rossi."

"Yeah, I know, he reads a lot, looks things up on the computer, I get that. But this seemed different, I mean it's easy enough to look up the twelve steps; any of us could do that. Reid said that because Ray shot from the front of the room that they were likely in the 'sharing' portion of the meeting. An outsider doesn't usually know…"

"What are you trying to say Dave," Morgan interjected, looking pointedly at his team mate.

Rossi was quiet for a moment. "Nothing," he nodded. "I was just trying to say how lucky we are that Reid knows so much about… things."

"Yeah, Rossi," Morgan stuck his ear buds back in place. "That's a good way to look at it."

_**cmcmcm**_

Reid looked out the window as he listened to Emily talk into her cell and arrange a meeting at a bar with a guy named Sean. Oh, to have a life outside this world of blood and gore. He thought about an article he was considering writing for a behavioral science publication. At least they gave him some modicum of respect.

"Hey, what's up?" Emily said as she closed her phone.

"Nothing," Reid replied. "I'm just thinking about an article I'm considering writing."

"I'm sure that's not what's making you frown."

Reid sighed, "Do you think Hotch feels I'm not a good agent?"

"No," Emily replied her mouth making a large 'O', " he wouldn't have you on the team if you weren't good. What made you think that?"

"Well likely that he sent me back to the command centre while the rest of you carried on in search of Syd and Ray." Reid stated, his words dripping with sarcasm.

"You heard what he said, he wanted you there in case they doubled back."

"They weren't doubling back Emily. The profile said they were going to find the parents who'd abused them and make them 'make amends'," he made quotation marks with his fingers.

"I…I think he just wanted to be sure that, if for some reason, they did double back, there was someone there who could profile their next moves." Emily replied, considering her words carefully.

"Say that's true," Reid postulated, "why me? Why do I always have to be the one waiting at the precinct?"

Emily opened her mouth to answer, but Reid carried on before she could.

"I know I was remediated through the physical stuff, and I know that I had a problem at one time with my firearms, but I worked hard on that. And I've never missed what I've aimed at in the field, not once. I think I deserve more than to be dismissed like a school child when I'm finished giving the information asked for." He pulled the shade down, effectively blocking out the light, rested his head back, and rubbed his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Prentiss asked.

"Yeah," Reid stood and headed for the bathroom. "My contacts are bugging me," he replied before the door ended their conversation with a bang.


	34. The One True Goddess

_**The One True Goddess**_

"Kid," Morgan said as he sat down across from Reid on the plane.

"What?" Reid replied looking up from the book he was reading at warp speed.

"Have you noticed anything wrong with Prentiss?"

"What do you mean by wrong Morgan?"

"I don't know, she hasn't been herself for a few days and she won't talk about it."

"Did you ask her?"

"Yeah, and she said that because she liked me she was going to ask me not to do this. What could that be about?" He paused for a moment. "And look how she snapped at me in the briefing about it being none of my business."

"Maybe it is…none of your business, I mean," Reid replied his eyes going back to his book.

"Something's up; it's playing with Emily's head and my business or not, I intend to find out what it is." Morgan said as he stood and walked off to listen to his music.

Reid turned back to his book until Rossi slid into the seat vacated by Morgan and opened the laptop he'd been carrying. Reid looked up again, "What's up?"

"Sorry to interrupt your reading and your…tea! What's up with that, by the way? I thought your body ran on coffee."

"I'm trying something new," Reid told him.

"Speaking of something new," Rossi said, "you have heard of twitter? You know what it is?"

"Of course I know what twitter is Rossi, it's a social networking and microblogging service allowing users to send messages, otherwise known as tweets. The website is headquartered in San Francisco and was launched in July of 2006 by CEO Jack Dorsey. There are an average of…"

"All right," Rossi held up his hand. "So, you know what twitter is, it's obviously Lady Gaga you need an education on. Meet the other Miss G."

"Well, I wouldn't say an educ…" Reid began as Rossi hit a key and a picture came up on the screen of a beautiful woman, very scantily clothed, wearing a platinum wig and gyrating erotically to the music on heels so high they seemed almost impossible to stand on, yet move around like she appeared to be doing. "Oh…" Rossi smirked as Reid's eyes grew wide as they followed her on the screen. "Ooooh!"

"She has something like eight million people following her on twitter. She the most sought after person on the web. So now you get Garcia's analogy?"

"Yeah," Reid said, "I get it now, only Garcia was wrong."

Rossi raised his eyebrows.

"I could never worship that woman," his long fingers pointed to the laptop, "like I do our own Miss G."

Rossi nodded his head. "You're a smart man Dr. Reid, a very smart man."


	35. Headaches, Heartaches and Humble Pie

_Headaches, Heartaches, and Humble Pie_

The white wings of the Gulfstream jet soared through the sky into the purple and orange sunset. "It seems so inappropriate when you watch the news and you see them measure the oil spill in terms of dollars and cents." Rossi said to Hotch who sat across from him.

"Yes," Hotch nodded, "if they could only measure the damage in the human lives that were lost or ruined."

"Tragic," Rossi agreed.

"And for Sammy to have his father gunned down a few feet from him. Life's already difficult enough for him and his mother without…" Hotch reached up and rubbed his brow with his hand as if warding off a headache.

"Jack's going to be fine Hotch. He's got a good support system around him and he's a healthy well adjusted boy, not like Sammy, who…" Rossi turned and looked out the window.

"What were you going to say Dave?" Hotch asked.

"Nothing," Rossi refused to meet Hotch's gaze, "nothing…"

xxxxxxxxxx

"Hi," Seaver slid into the seat across from Reid.

"Hi," Reid replied quietly, not raising his eyes from the blue covered book he was reading.

"I was wondering…" Seaver began.

Reid took a sip of his steaming coffee, still not looking up, "Wondering what?"

"You know on that first case we worked, you knew a lot about different serial killers and I said that you must know about my dad. Then we got caught up in the case and I never did ask you again. So…" She paused for a while and Reid said nothing, intent on his book. "I was wondering if you could tell me now, about my dad, what he did, I mean."

"Are you sure you want to know?" Reid took another sip of his coffee.

"Yes, I… I need to know."

"I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask. You should ask Hotch or Rossi. Both of them worked the case. They'd be able to tell you more than I would."

"No, I don't want to ask them for that reason. I wanted someone who was objective," Seaver stressed.

"Why not Morgan," Reid drained the last of his coffee, "or better yet Prentiss? She seems to have taken you under her wing. We've all studied different serial killers."

Seaver flicked her thumb to the back of the jet. "Morgan's sleeping and Prentiss looks like she has something heavy on her mind."

Reid glanced over at Prentiss. She did indeed look like something heavy was weighing on her. Perhaps her friend's death had hit her harder than he'd thought. Maybe he should try and talk to her.

"So that leaves you," Seaver reminded him of her presence.

Reid put a piece of paper in his book to hold his place, stood and picked up his coffee cup. "I'm not sure I'm the best one to come to about this."

"Why not, you've got a perfect memory?" Seaver replied.

"Because, we wouldn't want you to be sorry you asked, would we?" Reid said before stalking off toward the other end of the plane.


	36. Reflections

_Reflections_

The plane was silent, yet no one slept, no one listened to music, read books or caught up on paperwork. Seven faces just stared ahead in silence. Garcia's hand was gripped tightly in Morgan's as if each were holding on to the other for dear life. Her eyes were red from the tears that had been shed for her friend, her sister. Morgan, unknowingly, squeezed Garcia's hand, as Emily had squeezed his in their last moments together. Their last moments together, he still couldn't grasp on to that thought. Rossi sat next to Seaver wondering what she was thinking. She had worked closely with Emily, but there wasn't the emotional commitment that there was with the rest of the team, at least not yet. So, perhaps she'd come through all this okay. Seaver simply thought once again that there was a lot they didn't teach you at the academy. Emily had said experience filled in the rest. Someone, she couldn't think of the author right now; she'd have to ask Reid; Reid would know; had said, "Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God do you learn." She wasn't sure if this was a lesson she was ready for. JJ was, as always, her quiet, composed self, Hotch thought as he stared at her from his seat at the back of the aircraft. Of course, she knew what the others didn't, that Prentiss' physical life had been spared but she'd been lost to them. Did it make him feel any better? No, he decided, it didn't, because even though Emily still lived, a part of her, and indeed a part of each of them had died this night. But, it was Reid that concerned him the most. He had been the most emotional at the time and now he sat alone on the bench seat, staring at his hands that lay, unmoving in his lap.

They had gone back to the police station to collect their things; almost like it was any other case and they were heading home to work on reports. None of them wanted to do the reports from this case. There they had received disturbing news of what had happened to Emily before she'd been impaled, that there was evidence she'd been tied to a chair which faced a computer screen. Boston PD analysts had discovered it had been streaming the interview Rossi and Seaver had had with Fahey before he was shot. JJ also reported Emily had been badly beaten and that Doyle had branded a four leafed clover above her left breast.

Finally JJ stood and walked to the bench seat and sat next to Reid, taking one of his hands in both of hers.

I don't know what it's like to be branded, he thought. But Tobias was and look what happened to him. He raised his head to look at JJ. But I know what it's like to be tied in a chair and have to watch someone die in front of you and worry about your team. I know what Emily must have been feeling. Tears began to meander down his cheeks. Emily's… He stopped, corrected his thoughts and wiped his cheek with his other hand… was strong, but still I could have helped her. Why didn't God let me help her? Now she's gone and I…

JJ seemed to read his thoughts as he could read her eyes. She's not gone Spence, you'll always have her, they said. JJ saw Reid's eyes go blank for a moment as he seemed to watch something that wasn't there.

Reid looked at the window of the plane and, at first, saw only a reflection of himself, _"I was_ _winning,"_ he heard himself say as the chess pieces scattered throughout the jet. Then the reflection changed to a dark haired beauty.

"_He would have had you in three… Ooh, show me... Chocolate, I love chocolate… What is the matter with you... Maybe you should read that letter again… He's so lifelike…"_ He almost felt her arms wrap around him like they had in Colorado_. "What I did was not your fault… Do you ever think about it, having baby geniuses… That's what I love about you."_

Suddenly, as quickly as it came her face was gone, and through the window he spied a falling star.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Quote by C. S. Lewis


	37. Going On

_Going On_

Rossi looked around the aircraft. Seaver was curled up in one of the seats, asleep while Morgan sat with his ear buds in, eyes closed. What kind of music did he listen to, Rossi wondered? Whatever it was, he didn't seem to be getting any pleasure from it as his mouth seemed glued in a permanent deep scowl. Hotch had buried himself in his paperwork. He'd have to do something about that when they got back to Quantico. Reid just stared straight ahead; shoulders slumped, looking like he wasn't seeing anything at all. Emily's death had hit him hard. He seemed to function effectively in the field, do his job, but at moments like this you could see how lost he looked. Dave sighed deeply as he sipped his blended scotch.

Hotch had been successful in his negotiation with Shelley Chamberlain. He hoped he'd been as successful in his other endeavor. When you left your mike on, others could hear. Had his words reached those who needed to hear them most?

Would Derek realize that he shouldn't blame himself, because he was damn sure that's what the man was doing? Would he remember that sometimes they couldn't save everyone? It just hurt so much more when the one you couldn't save was someone you loved.

Would Reid realize that he would eventually get over this, that those who loved him would never allow him to sink into the kind of grief that had haunted that poor woman? Like Hotch had said, it would take time, they would move on, they would heal, but they'd never forget.

Would Garcia remember how she and Emily had laughed together? Would she realize what Hotch had conveyed, that although Emily had been taken from them and it wasn't fair, that while they'd been lucky enough to have her, she'd been happy.

Hotch had told Shelley Chamberlain that, although they'd move on, they'd never forget the day they failed. When would they all face the truth, that the regrets were all theirs? They'd never been Emily's. She never regretted for a moment what she'd done. She would never have blamed any of them; he almost laughed out loud, or put up with them blaming themselves.

Could they comfort themselves in the fact that Emily had done things on her own terms, always? She'd quit the bureau, Hotch had told him, before allowing herself to be used by Strauss. She hadn't let the police, the bureau, or even the church, stop her looking into the exorcisms that had robbed her of someone she loved. And she'd be damned if she'd let Doyle bring the fight to her, she'd gone to him. It was indeed how she'd lived and how she left.

They would get by, he promised her silently. Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but one day they would smile at an old picture of the team or laugh at some silly thing she used to do, or go to the bar and have a toast in her honor. She'd like that. He sipped his scotch again. She'd like that a lot.


	38. Caught in the Tangled Web

_Caught in the Tangled Web_

Darkness overtook them as the Gulfstream jet carried the BAU team back from another successful case. Reid was laid out on the sofa while Seaver curled up on one of the seats. Rossi wondered if she realized that she snored as he walked down the aisle and set two glasses, each containing two generous fingers of Scotch, on the table before taking the seat across from Morgan. The younger man's eyes were closed but Rossi knew he wasn't asleep. Nor was he listening to his Ipod, his usual means of relaxing, of coming down from the intensity and adrenaline rush of a case. Rossi slid one of the glasses across the table toward his friend, "Thought you could use one of these."

Morgan opened his eyes, looked at the drink and then raised his eyes to the older man. "Is that what you think I need Dave?"

"Not really," Rossi gave him a knowing grin. "I think you might need to talk."

"What's to talk about?"

Rossi took a sip of his Scotch. "Oh I don't know, perhaps what happened between you and your aunt."

Morgan didn't reply, but instead continued to stare at the brown liquid in the glass.

"You know William Hightower was right. Hope is paralyzing," Rossi said as he slowly turned his glass on the table. "Bad news does stop us for a time, but we deal with it and move on. Hope sometimes stops us from moving on. That's what had happened to your aunt."

"I know that Rossi," Morgan sighed.

"Then I think you need to give yourself a break."

Morgan raised his eyes again," What do you mean?"

"I can see what's going on in your mind." Ross sipped his Scotch again, "The guilt you feel."

"Well shouldn't I?" Morgan raised his voice momentarily.

"Look kid, you did what you did for your aunt. You did it for unselfish reasons, for love, so she could finally get some closure go on."

"Did I Rossi? The DNA didn't match. Blake didn't recognize Cindy's picture, yet I go out and tell my aunt that he identified it. Was it to help her, or was it so I'd quit getting those damned phone calls?

"Derek, you did it for her own good," Rossi said vehemently.

"I lied Rossi. I lied to someone I love. I let her think her daughter was dead. What kind of a person does that, lets someone they care about think that someone they love is dead when they know it might not be true? What kind of closure can she get from a lie? How do I ever face her again? How do I look at myself in the mirror after that?

Hotch put down the pen he'd been doing paperwork with and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He turned to look out the window, but in the darkness, saw only his own reflection. Morgan was right, he thought, before he reached over and pulled down the shade.


	39. But for the Grace of God

_**But for the Grace of God**_

Reid stifled a yawn as the Gulfstream flew eastward over the Rocky Mountains after yet another grizzly case. "Tired, pretty boy?" Morgan asked across from him pulling one ear bud out.

Reid nodded, "Yeah, with the tornado watches the plane was late getting in the other night from Corpus Christie so I didn't get a lot of sleep and then we've been practically around the clock on this case."

"You should have taken the couch and slept," Morgan suggested.

"Well, Rossi and I flipped for it and I lost, so," he shrugged, "here I am."

"Why are you still doing this to yourself? Every time you go there you come back and tell us nothing has changed. Amanda's still in control, so why bother."

"I have to, it's hard to explain." He was quiet for a few moments. "You wouldn't understand."

Morgan pulled the ear bud out of his other ear and wound it around his Ipod, before setting it on the table between them, "Try me."

Reid rested his forearms on the table in front of him and stared at his hands for a moment and then leaned back. "I think Tobias, Adam and I are a lot alike. We all lost a parent at a young age. We all suffered abuse because of it."

"Whoa, stop right there man," Morgan replied as he held up one hand. "You are nothing like those two Reid."

"Just think about it for a minute Morgan. Adam and Tobias got abused by their fathers, or stepfather in Adam's case, once their mothers were gone. I got abused by my classmates and after my father left there was no one for me to turn to, so I had to put up with the abuse too, just like they did."

Morgan leaned forward to interrupt but, this time it was Reid who stopped him with a hand. "Let me finish. You all saw Tobias and Adam as unsubs to catch because that's what we do. The doctors see Adam as another patient to be cured, and if not that, at least medicated into submission. And when the doctors go home the patient stays within the hospital, forgotten until the next shift. That's the way it has to be. I know that. It's like us, we solve our cases, no matter how outrageously cruel, we go home, put our reports on Hotch's desk and move on, next case. For the sanity of doctors, nurses, cops and people like us, that's the way it has to be. We can't carry this with us. I know that. But I also know, for every doctor and every nurse and every cop and every profiler, there's a case, for whatever reason, that won't let go. For Rossi it was those kids in Indiana. For me, it's this. You know what I'm talking about. You know you have your own case from your cop days and now."

He could see Morgan considering what he'd said before continuing, "I saw those guys as people. You never talked to Tobias, I did. Adam never opened up to you but he talked to me. Tobias wasn't a crazed killer and neither is Adam. They were just the human vessels that carried them."

"I never had it as bad as either of them did but it didn't stop me from lying in my bed at night and wishing that someone would come and rescue me from all that was going on. I never considered that that could have been another personality within myself."

"But Reid…" Morgan stopped as Reid put up his hand once again.

"That's why I go, to try and save Adam, to try and get him back. There's nothing I can do for Tobias. If there had been, I would have done it, because I know that with my past and factoring in my mother's illness, either of those situations could have easily been me. There but for the grace of God go I. And I'd like to think if it had been me, that I'd be more than a sum of the wrongs I'd committed and that someone would have tried to help me."

Morgan nodded and remained silent for many minutes. "When are you going again?"

"In a couple of months, why?

"Want company?"


	40. Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin'

A/N: This chapter was written as part of the Blake Shelton country music prompt challenge forum

_Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin'_

Emily glanced up from the book she was reading to see Reid running a pencil up and down on a page of a notebook, although he didn't appear to be writing. The pencil's scratching was what had caused her to look up in the first place. Hotch, Rossi and JJ were sleeping while Morgan had his headphones on, listening to his IPod. Reid's pencil scratching was the only sound in the cabin, except for the occasional snort from Hotch. No one had built up the courage yet to tell him he snored. "What are you doing?" She asked, her curiosity aroused.

"Nothing," Reid replied, startled like a kid who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He quickly tried to shove the notebook back into his messenger bag.

"Not so fast buster," Emily threw her book down and grabbed for the notebook in one swift fluid movement. Reid cursed inwardly that she was so physically capable. Emily looked at the book. On the page was a half finished caricature of Morgan, relaxing with his headphones on.

It was very good. You could just see the peace the man got from the music and feel it draining his troubles, at least for the present. "Reid this is beautiful. I never knew you were an artist."

"I'm not, I just doodle around. I'm no Rembrandt." Reid replied wishing she'd give the book back. It wasn't meant for anyone but him.

"What else have you got in here?" Emily began to flip back.

"No," Reid tried to yell as he all but jumped across the table to grab the book from her, which was unsuccessful since she held it up high and behind her.

"Down boy," she laughed as if talking to a frisky guard dog. "Let's see just what else is in here."

Her eyes lit upon a picture of Rossi wearing that self satisfied smirk he sometimes got. "Oh yeah," she said as she turned the book to reveal the picture she spoke about. She leafed through the book, some pictures of Hotch's stern scowl greatly exaggerated made her laugh. Then she turned to a page to a picture of JJ, a half profile. She looked down at something but you couldn't see what. Her eyes told the story, filled with love, tenderness, joy and yet a fierce protectiveness. Anyone would know she was gazing at her child. She literally gasped. "Reid, this is so beautiful. Has JJ ever…?"

"No, no one has. They're not meant for anyone but me." Reid admitted as she turned another page.

"Who is this?" The picture showed an Asian boy holding a chess piece in his hand.

"That's Eric, we play chess in the park." Reid told her.

"So are you his mentor, like Gideon?"

"No Emily," he replied with exasperation. "I'm nobody's mentor; we just play chess in the park."

"And we both know that you can learn a lot more than chess over a chess board, don't we?" She remarked smugly.

She turned the next page and she swore her heart stopped. It was a picture of her, at least she thought it was her but it wasn't really the way she looked, she told herself. This woman was beautiful. She looked out the window of the plane with a tender, yet somewhat wistful, expression on her face. "When did you draw this?" She turned the book so he could see the picture.

"After that case in Denver, you know, with that girl Carrie, the home invasion killings," he said.

"Well you were very flattering."

"No," he looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "I wasn't over flattering at all. I drew what I saw."

She turned through the rest of the pages of the notebook, laughing at some of the pictures and touched to her soul by others. "You should show these to the team."

"No, I told you, they're just for me, or at least they were." He gave her an evil eye.

"I won't tell anyone," she said as she stood and headed for the restroom. "Who are you when I'm not looking Dr. Reid?" She whispered as she passed him.

Who are you Emily, he wondered? Are you as kick ass at home as you are on the job? Do you sleep in sheer frilly nightgowns or sweatpants? Do you take showers or long girly bubble baths? Do you turn up the radio in your car and sing along? Do you cry when you're sad? When you were gone, did you miss me?


	41. Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin' Part 2

A/N: I was asked by some reviewers to do another chapter of Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin' so be careful what you ask for.

_Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin' Part 2_

Emily trudged slowly up the steps of the Gulfstream jet. The sun was barely visible on the cool October Ohio horizon. She flopped into a window seat and pulled down the screen to block out the bright morning rays that would soon be upon them. Once she'd fastened her seatbelt, she positioned her head on the soft leather headrest and closed her eyes, hoping she could get some of the sleep she hadn't gotten the night before. She felt JJ slide into the seat across from her but she didn't acknowledge her friend. She didn't want to talk. She needed to sleep. In too short a time they would be back in Quantico and she'd be expected to be alert for another day of consults, or if they were unlucky, JJ would have another case for them.

She heard tidbits of conversation as the plane rose to cruising altitude.

"Soccer practice is at what time…"

"No way man, you are not suckering me into another card game where you do your abbra cadabra stuff and I lose again…"

"Morgan, I think you're imagining things…"

Imagining things…

_He looked her up and down as she approached the hotel spa._

_She said nothing as she undid her robe and let it fall to the floor._

_His eyes caressed her again, this time beginning at her toes, moving up her shapely legs until they reached the short, very short, purple shorts she wore with a matching tube top, and carried on to her shoulders, her neck, past her lips and at last to the deep brown eyes that seemed to be taking the same inventory of him._

"_Aren't you going to come in?" He asked._

_She slowly climbed into the tub and sat across from him. She leaned back and shook her hair teasingly. "I think that should be my line."_

"Emily… Emily…" JJ finally shook her friend a little.

"What," Emily sat up and looked around. "Are we here already?"

"No… but you were making noises in your sleep," JJ said softly.

"What… what kind of noises?"

JJ put her hand to her mouth and began to giggle. "You were moaning like you were in the middle of an orgasm or something," she whispered from behind her hand.

Emily's eyes grew to twice their size and she tried to look around the cabin. "Did anybody hear?"

"Morgan's got his headphones on and Reid's reading so you know he's lost to the world. From the look of it," she glanced at Hotch and Rossi, "I don't think they noticed and if they did they're being discreet."

"Okay, good," Emily heaved a sigh of relief and opened the screen on her window. Sleep was definitely out of the question then.

"Emily," JJ asked after some time had passed. "Why are you staring at Reid like that?"

"Like what?" Emily blurted defensively.

"I'm not sure; you just keep looking at him." JJ told her.

"You will never breathe this to another living soul JJ," Emily whispered, "especially Garcia."

"You know I can keep your secrets Emily as long as it's not going to impact the team."

"Last night I couldn't sleep. It happens sometimes after a case and this was a rough one, you know… kids."

JJ nodded.

"I thought I'd go down to the pool and sit in the spa for a while. Maybe it would help me sleep. I passed the guy at the desk and asked him if I could go in and he said 'why not' and then he added, 'what is it with you people anyway.' I had no idea what he was talking about. Anyway I go into the pool area and there's someone already in the spa."

JJ raised her eyebrows. This might get interesting. Damn she'd promised not to tell Garcia.

Emily looked at Reid before she spoke again. She leant over the table. "It was Reid," she whispered.

"Emily, what are you saying? Did something…?"

"No, he had his eyes closed and his head on the headrest. He was likely sore from carrying that nine year old with a sprained ankle almost two miles through the wilderness. There was classical music coming from the speaker so I don't think he heard me."

"So what, you don't want me to tell anyone that Reid used the hotel spa?" JJ looked disappointed, some bombshell that was.

"No, it's not that, it's Reid." Emily paused trying to find the words. "What do you think of when you think of Reid? Skinny geek, who blabbers intellectual gibberish, right," she said before giving JJ time to answer.

"A very nice skinny geek, yeah, why?"

"I saw Reid in that spa. He's not as skinny underneath as we all think. I think he really built up some muscles when he had to do his crutch walking after being shot. I knew it made a big improvement on his butt."

JJ nodded again.

"But I didn't know that he'd developed some very nice arm and shoulder muscles. There's more than a skinny geek under those ties and sweater vests, way more. He's got a fairly nice body going on under there. Oh, he's not six pack like Morgan but he sure opened my eyes. Deltoids nicely defined, nice biceps, pecs," she appeared to be looking off into oblivion.

"So, what you're saying is Reid was…"

"Hot! Somehow, when nobody was looking, skinny geek became hot guy," Emily told her.

"So, did you make any moves on this hot guy?"

"No, I was too afraid I'd embarrass him. I just left before he realized I was there, went back to my room and didn't sleep all night." She sat back for a while and then leaned forward again. "But it just went on my bucket list."


	42. Broken Trust

A/N: I disliked the way the talk ended in Proof so I wrote my own alternate ending.

_Broken Trust_

_Emily sat down across from Reid, "So, the surgeon believes he can restore feeling to Tammy's hands."_

"_Good, we got there in time," Reid said quietly as he turned a page of the book he was reading_.

"_I heard Mr. Bradstone wants to watch the tape." She told him._

"_People have innate curiosity to see things in order to confirm them," he replied._

_Emily's lips curved, "Oh that explains why I'm going to Rossi's tomorrow night. I wanna see if he really can cook." Her smile widened, "You coming?"_

"_I don't know. I'm not sure if I can make it," Reid's voice was still barely above a whisper._

_Emily's smile vanished. She leaned forward resting her arms on the table between them. "Look Reid, I know you're mad at us because we didn't tell you what really happened, and I understand that. But, I promise you, we had no choice. You mourned the loss of a friend. I mourned the loss of six. This whole thing gave me an ulcer," she gave a slight chuckle, "please don't give me another one." She smiled again. "Are you gonna go to Rossi's tomorrow?"_

"_We'll see."_

They sat for a few minutes, Reid silently turning pages until he looked up. "You promise me." He nodded his head. "You promise me," he said again. "Promises aren't very easy to believe anymore." He was silent again as he turned a few more pages. "I do realize what was at stake Emily, I'm not stupid. You said you mourned for six friends, you didn't. You missed us, yes, I'm sure, but you were never told we were dead. You knew we were very much alive. It's not the same thing. You didn't carry a coffin," he paused for a moment. "I should have figured it out right then shouldn't I, because you'd said you wanted to be cremated. You didn't watch them lower it into the ground and cover it with dirt. You didn't go back to that grave time and again and leave flowers."

"Reid I…" Emily got out before Reid cut her off.

"You, Hotch and JJ knew the truth, that that funeral was just for show. Maybe JJ's right; maybe my grief stopped me from seeing that they truly weren't grieving, that it was all an act. They're pretty good, well you'd know Hotch would be, his face never gives away much, but I just didn't expect it from JJ. She tried to turn it around on me saying I was angry because she and Hotch had controlled their micro-expressions well enough that I didn't detect their deceit. When your best friend tells you something you don't expect you'll have to scrutinize their every micro-expression in case they're lying. I turned to her in my grief because she was my best friend and now I know that all I got was fake comfort, because she knew it was all just a farce. She didn't even care that something like this could have led me back to Dilaudid. I could tell she never even considered it. It didn't," he said as Emily's eyes widened and asked the question and he reached into his pocket and fingered the medallion that was never far from his reach, "but I went to so many meetings they were likely sick of seeing me."

"I'm sorry that…" she tried again.

"I went to Hotch's grief counseling too. That must have been a joke." He looked down at his book. "I went on talking about when my dad left, like some kind of idiot. I wondered why we even do this if we can't keep each other safe and if Gideon might not have been right, that it just wasn't worth it. And Hotch just sat there letting me ramble on like a fool, knowing full well you were perfectly safe. What is the point of trusting people, of opening your heart up to them so that they can see your vulnerability only to use that to turn around and stab you in the back?"

"Reid I had no idea…" Emily said, but this was not to be her conversation.

"You had no idea that I was so pissed? How am I supposed to feel Emily? How am I supposed to feel when the foundation of people I thought I could trust with anything has just crumbled into a bunch of rubble?"

"And then it gets turned around on me," he said before Emily could get a word in. "Don't be mad at JJ, Hotch tells me. You should have figured it out, JJ says. And now you say that if I don't get all happy like nothing ever happened and go to Rossi's, I'm apt to give you another ulcer." He put his hand up but still kept his voice quiet. "I'm sorry you got an ulcer Emily. I'm sorry for everything you went through. But I went through things too. My headaches didn't just go away you know. The doctor says they're psychosomatic, brought on by stress perhaps. With all the stress I went through after your d… um… top secret relocation, I'm inclined to think he might be right."

"I'm so sorry, Reid." Emily got to speak at last. I'm so sorry you were so hurt by all of this." She paused for a few moments. "How can we make it right?"

"I don't know, Emily. Once your trust in someone is destroyed, it's not easy to get back. How do I ever trust any of you again? I just don't know."


	43. Revenge of the Nerd

_Revenge of the Nerd_

Reid opened his eyes so slightly; they were barely slits as he watched Morgan sitting across from him, no doubt plotting his next attack. That was all right, Reid thought, let him. When he got home to DC he could devise something truly elaborate.

Prentiss had moved off to sit across from Hotch and he could hear them talking about Jack and some boy at school. "How did you get by in Paris?" Hotch asked her at last.

Reid kept himself as still as possible in an attempt to give nothing away but his ears had perked up to hear Prentiss's reply. "I played a lot of online Scrabble with some girl named Cheetobreath," he heard. The words hit him like a bomb exploding. His eyes flew open and he noticed JJ licking her orange fingers as she worked her way through a bag of Cheetos. He seemed transfixed as she put her hand into the bag, in what seemed like slow motion, withdrew another orange stick, popped it in her mouth and began to chew as thoughts bounced of axons and neurons through synapses until they finally reached his consciousness. He swore the sound was amplified and he could actually hear her chewing and crunching as she again licked her fingers.

Reid stood and headed for the restroom. "Excuse me JJ," he said as he squeezed by her, "or should I say Cheetobreath?" He watched as she suddenly froze with a deer in the headlights look. "It's amazing what you learn when you listen he said too quietly for anyone but her to hear. So, what did you do after I left your house from a tearful session over Emily's loss; go online for a rollicking game of Scrabble? She mourned six friends she told me. Like hell," the sarcasm dripped off his tongue. "I've been on those sites and you can talk back and forth with your opponent. Oh, you'd be careful not to use names but she'd know that we were all fine and you'd know that she was fine while some of us continued to mourn. 'You couldn't tell me,'" he made quotation marks with his fingers, "because what if I told? But you could talk to her; and what if Doyle suspected something? What if he'd been hacking into and monitoring our networks?" He turned and put his hand on the latch for the restroom, then turned back. "You said you were nice in high school, even to guys like me. Why are guys like me so hard to be nice to?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I was right. You were a mean girl."

Reid returned to his seat and saw JJ enter the restroom shortly after him. His cell rang again and he caught the slight grin from Morgan. "Dr. Reid," he said politely. He listened to the caller saying her name was Pam Elliot from the AP. "The BAU's involvement in that case is completed," Reid responded. "If you have any further inquiries, you should take them up with the Boise Police."

"_That's not why I'm calling,"_ the woman said. There was silence for a moment and then she began to speak again. _"I usually work out of DC but the reporter who would have handled this is on another assignment."_

"Yes," Reid said, "go on."

"_I was wondering if when we both get back home if we might get together for a drink or something?"_

"Oh," he glanced across at Morgan who sat back in his seat, eyes closed. "I don't know if that'll be possible or not, but I'll definitely try," he said.

"_That's great,"_ the voice sounded pleased. _"I have your number; I'll call you, bye for now."_

Reid closed his phone, looked over at Morgan again and smirked just as JJ sat in the seat across from him that Emily had vacated her lips pressed together in a somewhat snide look. He looked at her orange fingers and nodded toward them. "It's too bad that you get yourself into things sometimes and when you're done with them you have a devil of a time washing them off of you."


	44. Beyond the Blue

_Beyond the Blue_

Death, the last frontier, if you will, Emily thought as she walked down the aisle of the Gulfstream that cut through the clouds like a knife through butter. She passed Hotch whose head was buried in a stack of files while JJ slept across from him. Morgan was in his usual wind down routine, headphones on, eyes closed. It somehow seemed to help him let go and, hey, whatever worked. Rossi looked out the window, his mind laden with the burden Carolyn had placed on him. Death came for us in so many forms; they only saw the worst, people who'd been tortured until death had finally relieved them of that misery. Sometimes it crept in silently while you slept. She envied those people. Sometimes it was as simple as being in the wrong place at the wrong time when death came to claim you. The only sure thing was that it would claim you.

Sometimes, it was after a progressively debilitating illness, like the one Carolyn faced. She was willing to confront death head on, not allowing it to be the victor over her. But in the end, it was the final victor over all of us. When our time came, our time came. What did that even mean anyway? Did that mean that all the lives they'd saved didn't matter because they wouldn't have died anyway if it wasn't their time? No, that didn't make any sense at all. Reid had been right when he said it was something he couldn't explain. No one, not even someone as brilliant as Reid, had that answer.

She sat down on one end of the bench seat; Reid sat at the other, as usual, engrossed in a book. He looked up and gave her a slight grin and went back to his reading. "Reid," she said at last and he raised his head from his book. "Thank you."

Reid's eyes narrowed, "For what?"

"For sharing what you did back there. I know that must have been hard for you. It was hard for me," she replied.

"I think it helped us understand what Chase was doing. I never realized that you had actually…"

She gave a brief laugh. "Yeah, I guess that part of the story was true. They just left out the part where I didn't stay dead." They sat through a few moments of awkward silence. "I'm glad," she said finally.

"Glad…?" Reid raised his palms in front of him.

"… That you had the experience you had."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because, it gives me hope; you hear people say these things but you never know if they're true or not. But you're a friend; someone I know wouldn't lie or sensationalize something like that. It makes me hopeful that when it's time…"

"And I'm hopeful that will be many many years away. I don't want to have to say goodbye to you again." Reid told her.

"Did your life flash before your eyes?"

"That's hard to say. When Tobias was shooting me up with Dilaudid, I was having flashbacks to when I was a kid and so all that is really fuzzy and I'm not sure if any flashbacks are related to that or to dying. What about you?"

"No," Emily shook her head, "nothing." Another silence ensued. "I saw you say something to Chase before we left the ranger station. What did you say?"

"All I told him was that it could be different." Reid said.

"I knew it was something like that."

"How could you know that?" Reid asked.

"Because I'm a profiler, but most of all, your friend and I know how sweet you are. I know that even if Chase did some terrible things, you, of all of us, could find some place in your heart for sympathy." She reached across the space between them and took his hand. "It was also brought home to me that we were spared. For some reason, we were spared to go on together and do our best to put these unsubs away, for me to learn a million new things from you and for me to take comfort in the fact that when the time finally comes, something warm and wonderful awaits you."

"What about you?" Reid asked.

The plane broke through the clouds and they were surrounded by blue sky. Emily smiled. "You don't think you'll be able to get rid of me that easily, do you?"


	45. Selective Sympathy

_Selective Sympathy_

JJ glanced at her watch. The plane seemed to be going more slowly today for some reason, although the clouds had disappeared and, for the time being, the skies were clear. They hadn't experienced any of the turbulence they'd suffered through on their flight to Kansas.

"We're not going any slower than usual." Reid's voice came from right across the table from her, jerking her out of her thoughts. "It just seems that way because you're anxious."

"I'm not anxious," JJ lied.

"Then why have you looked at your watch four times in the last seventeen minutes?" Reid asked.

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting;" JJ said sarcastically. "Little brother is watching."

Reid put his book on the table in front of them. "JJ," he began, putting his hands in front of him in what she considered lecture mode; "One in every twenty-five kids between the ages of six months and five years will have a least on febrile seizure. The older the kid is when he has the first seizure, the less likely he is to have more. Since Henry's three, it's unlikely that he'll have another one. Although they're scary to parents, the majority of them are short and harmless. There's no evidence that they cause brain damage or affect the child intellectually and 95 to 98 percent of them are totally unrelated to any kind of epilepsy."

"That's good to know," JJ admitted. She ran her hands across her eyes. "You just get so scared when your child is sick, you know."

"I wouldn't worry about it and Will seems to have everything under control." Reid told her.

"Yeah, I don't give him enough credit sometimes." She said. "I'll have to make it up to him when I get home." She gave him a slight grin. "Thanks Spence."

Rossi sat across from Hotch. "The children seem to be playing nice now," he said as he watched Reid and JJ talking.

"Well, you know Reid; he's got that sympathetic nature. It's like him to use all that he knows to try and cheer someone up." Hotch replied.

"Oh right," Rossi responded derisively. "And where was this sympathy when we were flying here and getting a lecture on how turbulence doesn't cause plane crashes but we should be on the lookout for, what was it, micro-bursts that would pulverize us. Yeah, that's good to hear when you're in a sardine can at thirty thousand feet."

Hotch tried to put his hand over his mouth to stifle his grin. "Maybe he's got selective sympathy. Good news though, he may be starting to edit himself. He was talking to me about the body thing, realized he was rambling, stopped himself and got to the point."

"Yeah, well maybe he could try editing himself a bit more," Rossi said indignantly. "Micro-bursts…" The plane suddenly shook and Rossi scrunched his eyes shut and crossed himself. "Tell me we're not in Kansas anymore!"


	46. The Never Ending Road

_The Never Ending Road_

Reid turned another page of his book. He sat alone near the back of the plane. Emily, JJ and Rossi were sitting together. Although he was working well enough with Emily and JJ, he wasn't yet at the point where he wanted to participate personally with them. A betrayal of trust took time to heal. Morgan and Hotch didn't seem to be having any problems as they were having, from his view of Morgan, a rather animated, yet quiet, conversation. He was fairly sure what it was about. He glanced at the woman who sat in the seat across the aisle from him. Erin Strauss looked pained and worried and he thought he knew why.

He'd seen her reach for her bag a couple of times and then pull her hand away. He knew that feeling. He'd suspected she'd been drinking since the senate hearings. He could smell it on her breath when she'd offered him a mint, trying to cover it up. He knew what that was like. He'd never worn short sleeves when he had been using Dilaudid. He'd smelled it again today when they'd been sitting around the table and he'd had the urge to reach out to her, but how could he without revealing his own addiction? He almost laughed. He'd never pictured himself with the desire to reach out to Erin Strauss. He guessed addiction sometimes made for strange bed fellows.

He looked again at Morgan and Hotch. They knew, likely the reason behind the animated but quiet discussion. By Strauss's behavior, she knew they knew. He remembered that feeling, how he'd felt when he first knew they knew. The anxiety, the fear, all because a damn substance got a hold on you and wouldn't let go. It all only added to the craving. He didn't have to wonder what Strauss was feeling now and he didn't envy her. He reached into his pocket for his medallion and ran his fingers over it, a concrete reminder that he could conquer this. He would conquer this.

The pilot announced they would be landing soon. Reid put his book into his messenger bag and fastened his seatbelt for the landing. The wheels touched the ground a few moments later and everyone got up to retrieve their go bags and head out. Strauss stumbled as the plane hadn't come to a complete stop. They were supposed to wait but they hardly ever did. Reid caught her arm. "Are you alright Ma'am?" He asked.

"Yes, thank you, I'm fine," the section chief replied not meeting his eyes.

"May I carry your bag for you?"

"Uh, thank you, it's been a rough day." She replied as her eyes at last begrudgingly met his.

Reid held her eyes, thought of the long never ending road that lay ahead of both of them and said softly, "They often are in this job; that's why we take them one at a time."


	47. True Genius

_True Genius _

"Hey PG, I need you to do something for me." Emily said into her cell as they soared eastward and home.

"Anything my dove," the tech replied, her fingers already on the keyboard.

Emily ducked into the galley. "Okay, I need you to…"

She headed back to her seat and stopped as she passed Hotch, JJ, Morgan and Rossi all sitting together. "Guys," she said as quietly as she could over the engines. "Did you realize that somebody on this plane turned thirty when we weren't looking?"

"Oh my God," JJ's eyes grew large. "How did we forget that? We never forget."

"I think it's my fault," Emily said. "I sort of came out of nowhere and everyone got pretty immersed in my being back and everything that went with it, that some things sort of fell through the cracks. I don't know how he would have reacted to a birthday celebration back then. He was pretty angry."

"As soon as we land," JJ replied, "we'll get Garcia and we're on it."

Emily heard the fax machine beginning to spit out paper. "That's my stuff."

"What stuff?" Morgan asked.

"A certain genius doesn't believe a theory until it's proven and the best computer tech in the world can always find me the proof I need." Emily turned toward the galley.

"Did anyone understand anything she just said?" Rossi pondered.

"I think she's trying to prove something to Reid." Morgan said.

"Good luck to her," Hotch said as he went back to the file he was reading.

Emily carried her sheets of paper to her seat and slid in across from Reid, "Hi."

"Hi," Reid raised his eyes from his book and looked at the papers Emily carried. "What's that?"

"Oh, just something I had Garcia compile for me. I'm sure it wouldn't interest you."

Reid craned his neck to see what held Emily's attention. "It looks like pictures."

"It is pictures. A picture's worth a thousand words you know."

"Pictures of what?" Reid asked.

"Oh nothing much," Emily sighed, "just people, regular ordinary people, nobody that would interest a genius like you."

Reid closed his book and tossed it on the table between them. "Try me," he challenged.

She passed him one of the sheets of paper with five pictures, driver's license photos, he thought. He recognized one face right away. "That's Elle."

"And Linda Deaton, Elaine Curtis, Harry Anderson and Josh Patel, they were all on a train in Texas one day when they were taken hostage by an armed psychotic. An FBI agent came on the train, unarmed, to perform, of all things, a magic trick to try and calm the unsub and save their lives. Look at this one," she passed him the picture of three lovely young women. "Bethany Wallace, Mary Newsome and Maxine Wynan, they'd never met until a mentally ill woman abducted them and tried to make dolls out of them before they eventually died. The same FBI agent came to their rescue." She passed him another picture of a little boy. "Michael Bridges, maybe he looks a little different; he's eight now. He was abducted by a mentally disturbed woman when he was five. Guess who figured out how to find him? Right," she nodded, "that same agent, funny how he gets around. The next page contained a picture of a man. "You remember him, Dr. Tom Barton; you shot the unsub on his front lawn. Oh wait; you got shot yourself, didn't you. Do you know how many surgeries Dr. Barton has performed since you saved his life, how many lives have depended on his skills?" She passed him a picture of a group of people on a subway platform, "The train to Fort Dietrich at rush hour, the subway platform where Chad Brown was willing to release his anthrax bombs, a man we wouldn't have known about if you hadn't stayed in Nichols' house, at great risk to yourself, to help others. You don't think you make a difference. There's more, lots of them," she tossed the papers on the table, "Lila Archer, Owen Savage, Sammy Sparks and his mother. Here's a busy ER like the one you shot Philip Dowd in. I could go on. Every person you help save with your skills is connected to another and another and another. You might not cure schizophrenia but maybe Michael Bridges will. Maybe Bethany Wallace's son or daughter will find a cure for cancer. What you bring to the FBI and this team is immeasurable but I know you like to see things in black and white so there it is. No man, who's done what you have, could ask more of himself."

He'd never thought of things that way; thought of what he'd done; seeing it all in pictures was strange somehow. He couldn't believe he'd done that. "Th…thanks Emily. I didn't do it alone."

"We do it together and that makes it much more satisfying. Things are always better when you can share them with someone."

Reid nodded at the wisdom of Emily's statement. "Thanks again Emily.

Reid picked up his book again, "Anytime Reid, anytime." She stopped him as he was about to begin reading again. "I saw you say something to Harvey and Caleb before they went into lockup and it seemed to get them upset. What did you say?"

"I told Harvey he'd lost his queen."

"And Caleb?"

A slow grin appeared on Reid's face, "Checkmate."


	48. Snake Eyes

_Snake Eyes _

"See Rossi," JJ assured the agent sitting beside her, "a minor administrative violation led to stopping the unsub. That's what's important."

"Humph," Rossi retorted. "The last time I was involved in an administrative violation, we all got suspended and wound up in front of a senate committee hearing."

"Yeah, well that won't happen this time," Emily said, "no harm, no foul. At least you got your money back. I knew it was safe with Reid."

Behind them Morgan gritted his teeth as he stared at the cell phone in his hand like it was a foreign object. "What's up?" Reid asked.

"I keep calling Garcia and it keeps going to voicemail."

Reid smirked. "Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you. That would be a first wouldn't it, her not wanting to talk to you. You might be losing your touch. Though come to think of it, she did seem a little more restrained than usual. Maybe she's upset about the case cutting into our weekend."

"We've had cases cut into our off time before Reid. As soon as we land, I'm going to get to the bottom of this." Morgan put his headphones on.

"I have no doubt," Reid said as he opened his messenger bag and then headed up the aisle to where Hotch, Rossi, JJ, and Emily sat, taking a seat on the bench.

"Hey Reid," Emily chuckled. "Rossi was just expressing his gratitude that you didn't lose any of his money."

"That's not exactly what I said," Rossi interjected.

"Uh, no," Reid began as if he hadn't heard Rossi, "luckily I didn't. I applied my math equation, adjusted for variables and I was able to return it all to you." Reid paused for a moment. "But that does lead me to something else."

"Reid," Hotch's menacing voice matched his stern expression. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

Uh, I don't know Hotch, I was just wondering; since Rossi fronting us the buy in was kind of against agency rules and regulations," he reached into his bag and pulled out three bundles of ten thousand dollars each and laid them one at a time neatly on the table in front of the other agents. "What do we do with the thirty thousand dollars I won?"

Hotch closed his eyes and pinched his nose as if to stave off a headache.

JJ's eyes widened and she couldn't hold back her grin, "I can see why you're banned in Vegas, Laughlan and Pahrump."

Rossi's eyes doubled in size as he looked back and forth between the bundles of money and the genius. "And now likely Atlantic City; can we not take you anywhere?"

Emily began to laugh in earnest this time. "Hey Rossi; just think of it as a new experience. I mean, at your age, how often does that happen?"


	49. The Wings of Angels

The Wings of Angels

The Gulfstream floated through the darkness carrying the team back from their grizzly case in Arizona. The majority of the team tried to sleep off their weariness. Rossi lie sprawled out on the bench, the occasional snort echoed in the quiet cabin. JJ and Emily had curled up in their seats. Hotch slept, but as always, he sat upright as if it would be a dereliction of duty if he should lie or curl up like the rest of them. They had all learned to sleep in these cramped conditions. You caught sleep when you could.

Sometimes their cases made sleep difficult. Morgan had closed his eyes to let the dulcet tones from his I Pod attempt to soothe the anger that still burned inside him over what had happened to Angel. He felt, rather than saw, the pair of gangly legs as they stepped over the armrest and Reid settled into the seat across from him. Morgan opened his eyes and removed his headphones, "What's up kid?"

"That was going to be my line," Reid responded.

Morgan sat quietly for a moment and then let out his breath with a whoosh, "I'm okay Reid," he replied curtly.

Reid nodded his head. "Right, I keep forgetting, you're Morgan. Of course you're okay." He began to rise from his seat. "I'll just go look for a place to…"

"I wanted to kill him Reid," Morgan said quietly and the younger man sat back down. "I might have if Rossi hadn't stopped me. I don't like losing control like that."

"That's understandable after what you went through."

"I told Angel I never let Carl beat me, and I haven't, but he still affects me every damn day of my life." Morgan retorted harshly.

"Yeah," Reid nodded, "some things do that." There were a few moments of silence. "JJ told me you gave Angel your medallion." Another short pause, "It's going to matter a lot to him that you did that."

"I hope so, but I dunno."

"I do." Reid reached into his pocket and came out with his own medallion and cradled it in his fingers. He stared at it like it was the most precious of metals. Well, it was, wasn't it? "It's funny; in June I'll get my five year medallion, yet being an addict, on your first day or your fiftieth year, all you get is a daily reprieve. The next morning when the alarm clock rings, the struggle begins all over again. I wondered at first how I'd be able to go on and a good friend told me to use what happened to me to make me a better person. I have to admit that sounded like total crap at the time but when I first went to BCC I had to leave for a case and one of the members gave me his first year medallion. He told me to hold onto it until I got my own. I'd put my hand in my pocket all the time just to feel it. It told me I wasn't alone in this; I could get through it. The man who lent it to me had. I think Angel's going to feel the same way. He'll see what you did with your life; made yourself a better person and he'll know that he's not alone in this. Someone out there understands. Trust me; it will matter…. a lot. You'll see the next time you talk to him."

"What do you mean, the next time I talk to him?" Morgan raised an eyebrow.

"Oh come on, it's not like you're not going to keep in touch and make sure he's okay. I'm sure you're not still checking up on Ellie." It was Reid's turn to raise an eyebrow.

Morgan's lips curled into a smirk. "Okay, ya got me."

Reid put his medallion back in his pocket. "Now, I'm going to try and get some sleep and you should too."

Morgan's face brightened into a wide smile, "Yes sir," he saluted as he put his headphones back on.

The lights from the plane were all that brightened the black sky as its six passengers gave into the will of Morpheus and the jet's wings cut through the darkness to carry them home, as it did every time, but tonight, somehow their jet seemed more securely buoyed, as if by the wings of angels.


	50. What If

_What If_

The lights were dimmed in the cabin of the aircraft that made its way through the night skies from Oregon to Quantico. Even Reid's light was out, Rossi noted as he raised a curious eyebrow. The young profiler usually read when he wasn't sleeping or playing cards. Tonight he sat with his arms crossed, almost wrapped around his spare frame, as he stared out the window. Rossi slid into the seat across from him. "Why aren't you getting some rest like everyone else?"

"Why aren't you," Reid responded not taking his eyes from the blackness beyond the window.

"Uh huh," Rossi nodded knowingly. "Answering a question with a question are we?"

Reid turned his head briefly from the window. "Don't profile me Rossi."

The older man raised his hands as if in self defense as Reid turned, once again, toward the window. Both men could almost hear the sound as a few moments of silence ticked by. "Interesting case that," Rossi said at last, "a mother passing her psychotic delusions on to her son. It would certainly be giving me the shivers if there was a chance that my mother could have passed something like that on to me." Reid turned his head from the window again, eyes blazing. "That is what you're thinking about, isn't it? What if you're like James? What if you inherit your mother's mental illness?"

"Okay Rossi you made your point; I'm fixating on the possibility of ending up like my mother," Reid snapped.

"Maybe you should be fixating on the alternative; that you won't get your mother's disease. That seems the more likely option at this point. You're thirty now. Schizophrenia usually presents in males in the late teens, early twenties, so every day that passes is one day further from any likelihood of the disease presenting at all."

"Rossi," Reid stopped him. "Don't you think I know this?"

"Intellectually you know it," Rossi agreed, "but fear clouds your judgment." Reid opened his mouth to speak but Rossi continued. "I'm going to share something with you that I haven't shared with anyone here."

Reid turned in his seat to face Rossi overtaken by curiosity. "What is it?"

"Caroline and I," he began softly, "had a son. We named him James. James…" Rossi's voice cracked. "James died the day he was born."

Reid's eyebrows rose. "Rossi, I'm sorry."

"It's okay; it was a long time ago. He'd have been three years older than you. I always wondered what he would have been like. Working so closely with you, getting to know you and knowing you're around the same age as my boy has made me think what it might have been like to work side by side with him, have long talks and I wish that he could have lived and turned into a good man like you."

"Rossi, I'm a dr…"

"A good man," the older man interjected and his voice brooked no argument. "Now let me finish with what I'm trying to tell you. James had a congenital heart defect due to a chromosomal anomaly that is always genetic. But Caroline and I were fine. After James… ahem… died, the doctors tested Caroline and me and we learned that she had the anomaly but it was mild and had never affected her. Our chances of passing it on to another child were 50/50. Caroline wasn't willing to take that chance. She was too afraid of what might happen in the future to move forward. It changed her. It ended up causing a strain in our marriage."

"Rossi, I'm really sorry," Reid said again.

"It's okay kid; it's water under the bridge now; they're both gone and together at last. The point I'm trying to make is that there was a chance a child of ours would have the defect and there was an equal chance that he or she would be completely normal. But Caroline let her fear overrule everything."

There were a few moments of strangely comfortable silence.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is don't let this fear of what if overtake your life. The James in Oregon and my James are two that inherited from their mothers. In all likelihood, you'll end up being one that doesn't. Don't spend these good years of your life as just a period of waiting for the axe to fall. It may never happen and you'll have wasted some of the best years of your life fearing what if. Live your life, find a great girl and make beautiful babies," he smirked, "that Grandpa Dave can take pleasure in spoiling," garnering the slightest hint of a grin from Reid. And," Rossi added when Reid opened his mouth to speak, "if that axe ever should fall, just be secure in the fact that you will be well cared for and you will be surrounded by people who love you."

Reid's eyes misted and he rubbed his hands over them. "I think… I think maybe I should get some sleep."

Rossi nodded as he reclined his own seat. "I think that's a great idea."


	51. Secrets

_**Secrets**_

"No, Gwen, really, it's nothing you guys did, I just have a lot going on right now and I can't really fit it in." Reid paused and listened to the woman on the other end of his cell. "Yeah, of course I will, thanks, bye." He ended the call and looked as Rossi cocked an eyebrow in the seat across from him. "What?"

"Sounded like you were breaking up with a girl," Rossi replied.

"No… oh, no… uh… I just… there's this group I was sort of a part of. It was kind of a book club slash discussion group. We get together at a coffee house near Dupont Circle. It's kind of a homey place with a fireplace and couches and easy chairs. We'd read books and talk about them… among other things… that sort of thing."

"So, why don't you want to be part of it anymore? We all need to have interests outside of all this." He gestured his hand to indicate the inside of the jet. "From your end it sounded like your friend was trying to convince you that you're wanted there."

"She's not my friend," Reid snapped.

"Ookay," Rossi replied. "Why don't you want her to be your friend?"

"I don't need any friends."

"Well, you're the first person I've met who doesn't. Why the sudden aversion to friends?"

Reid looked out the window. "Friends make you vulnerable and it hurts so much more when they betray you."

"Aah," Rossi tented his fingers. "This is still about Hotch, JJ and Emily. I thought you'd come to terms with that a long time ago."

"I understand what they did Rossi and why they did it, and I've accepted that, but it doesn't hurt any less knowing that someone you considered a friend… family even, could stab you in the heart and then sit back and watch you while you bled. For seven months they kept their big secret. I'd go to JJ's and she'd watch me suffer and say nothing. And don't get me started on Hotch and that fake grief counseling. I never expected that kind of betrayal from them and that's why it hurts so much. So, if I don't let people get that close, I won't be so disappointed when I find I can't trust them."

Rossi considered his fingers for a moment. "Yeah, they were pretty good at keeping that secret weren't they? But then, they've had practice. It seems that they've been keeping a secret for years now, along with the rest of the team, of course. And if it was discovered that they'd kept this secret, there could be trouble for all of them." He paused for a moment as he watched Reid as the words sunk in. "But they did it, and continue to do it, for the same reason they did this, to protect family." He stood up. "You might want to think again about that betrayal and trust. And while you're at it, call your friend Gwen back."


	52. Challenges

_**Challenges**_

"Nice job with the unsub," Reid said setting his book down as Alex slid into the seat across from him on the flight home from Texas. Most of the team had given in to the lure of Morpheus

"Thanks, but you would have come to the same conclusion and talked him, or should I say signed him down." She looked up. "Do they know you sign?"

Reid shook his head. "I try not to tell them everything."

"Are you getting the feel for it again or are you missing the classroom?" Reid stretched his legs out under the small table.

"I'm getting back into it. It's not easy, but then, most challenges aren't, are they?"

"No," Reid shook his head, "they are not."

"Penelope Garcia is different." Alex announced after a pause.

"Different," Reid repeated, "you mean from middle English differren, from old English diferre, from Latin diferrere, dif meaning apart, ferre, to carry."

Alex raised her eyes toward the ceiling of the aircraft. "Okay, okay… touché Spencer."

Reid chuckled. "I'd say Garcia's a cross between a really cool best friend and a flamboyant den mother." He paused for a few moments. "You'll wonder why she's in the BAU and why she does what she does. She likes to look a little kittens and panda bears."

"Don't we all," Alex interjected.

Reid carried on, "So she won't look at the screen. She knows the horrible things that have been done and she wants more than anything to help us stop them; she just doesn't want to look at them. But as a computer analyst, we've got the best there is."

"She tries to see the good in everybody and she'll see it in you, even if you don't see it yourself and she fills her life with color to balance out the darkness that we see." He let silence hang again. "She just wants to be sure that we're all safe out here with you and the family is going to remain intact. Once she realizes that, she'll come around."

"What about him," Alex gestured her head in Morgan's direction. "He did seem a little less than willing to accept my ideas."

Reid turned to glance at his friend, his usual earbuds in place, and watched momentarily as Morgan's chest rose and fell rhythmically. He turned back to Alex. "You have to prove yourself to Morgan. He'll fight you until you show him that whatever you're offering has merit, but," he held up one finger, "when he believes it does, he's all in."

"So you're saying I don't have to worry about them then?"

"Nope, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it." Reid agreed.

"I noticed you talking to Strauss before we left. You two must go way back to when you were in the BAU the first time." Reid remarked.

"Oh yeah, we go way back. Now there's a case in point." Alex told him. A few moments passed. "She wanted to congratulate me on my new position if you can believe it. The last time I worked with her she hung me out to dry and now she's glad I'm back. I don't trust her and it's got me wondering what she's up to."

"Maybe she just wants to make amends." Reid suggested.

"Erin Strauss, amends, why would she do that?" Her eyes widened.

"It happens," Reid began.

"Yeah, so does winning the lottery, but it's not likely, and neither is Strauss making amends for no reason. She's got to have something up her sleeve. I need coffee," Alex rose to her feet and headed to the other end of the plane.

Reid reached into his pocket and fingered his medallion. No one had told him about Strauss but they hadn't had to; he'd smelled the liquor on her breath when she'd offered him a mint outside the hearing room. Then after the case at the Somerville Academy, she'd been gone. You didn't need to be a genius to put two and two together. Making amends was one of the toughest steps. Sometimes it worked and sometimes, he glanced at Alex pouring coffee into her mug, it didn't. He'd been lucky that his team had been very receptive and forgiving. For Strauss, Alex Blake was not going to be quite so easy. But then, Alex had been right, challenges never were.


	53. Speculation

_**Speculation**_

"What?" Morgan snapped bluntly as he removed his headphones, the exasperation of being unable to concentrate on his music, evident in his face. He'd been watching JJ seated across from him and she seemed to be considering something important.

"What?" JJ returned innocently. "I didn't say anything."

"You were thinking something. I could tell," Morgan announced.

"Well, if that gets to be a crime, Reid is in big trouble."

Morgan gestured his head in her direction. "Seriously JJ, what's up?"

"I was watching Reid. He can't read." She pushed some of her wavy blond hair behind her ear. "He keeps picking up his book and putting it down again to look out the window. It got me thinking about what you said about Reid having a girlfriend."

"And?" Morgan asked.

"I'm just wondering why he feels he has to hide it from us. We'd all be happy for him; he must know that.

Morgan gave a small snort, "This from the woman who held out on us for a year when she got together with her Louisiana lover, one Detective Will LaMontagne."

JJ nodded her head. "I know; I shouldn't have done it. I just wanted something of my own, you know."

"Hey JJ, no one blames you. We all want something away from," he raised his hand to take in the plane and all it implied, "all this."

"I still wish Reid would have confided in one of us." JJ said after a short pause.

"Maybe he did," Morgan replied.

"He didn't say anything to me and," she pointed at Morgan.

"Nope, quick to dance around the subject when I asked him about it."

"Garcia likely would have told you something if he'd approached her. He wouldn't tell Hotch. Maybe Rossi…"

"Or maybe not," Morgan finished for her.

"That only leaves Blake."

Morgan turned and looked back at the pair, Reid looking out the window and Blake reading a book. "I think those two are a lot closer than anybody thinks." Morgan said after he'd turned back to face JJ. "When we were in New Mexico Reid called Garcia and asked her where the closest pay phone was. He'd come to the scene with me but he suddenly asked Blake to take him and she dropped him off somewhere."

"So you think he told her?" JJ asked. "Why would he call this woman from a pay phone?"

"That's the question. I think it's because he knows Garcia. He knows what she can do. If she doesn't know where he's calling from when he's calling from pay phones, there's no way she could track his calls and find out who the girl is."

"Garcia wouldn't… Do you think it's because of what happened to Emily, because I lied to him and he doesn't trust me completely anymore?"

"No, I think it's because he doesn't want any of this to touch that, just like you did with Will and just like I did with my life in Chicago." Morgan put his headphones back on and tried, once again, to concentrate on his music. He closed his eyes and let the melody relax him as it always seemed to do. He opened one eye to see JJ with a decided grin on her face that she was trying to conceal with her fingers. With a heavy sigh, he again pulled off his headphones. "What now?"

"What?" JJ spread her arms. "I didn't say anything."

"You're laughing behind your hand. What's so amusing?"

"Okay, I was thinking about the kind of girl that might appeal to Reid."

"Try breathing," Morgan remarked.

"It would take a lot more than a breathing girl to attract Reid," JJ replied.

"Oh yeah, you should have seen him in LA when Lila whipped off her robe and she's standing in front of him in a string bikini. Say what you will about his mind JJ, he's a guy. Now you're trying to diffuse the situation; what was so funny?"

"Like I said, I was thinking of the kind of girl that would attract Reid and all I could think of was Amy from The Big Bang."

"You're equating Reid with Sheldon Cooper?" Morgan's eyes widened. "Okay, there may be a similarity or two…"

"Morgan, come on, you have to admit, Lila Archer would never have satisfied Reid, intellectually, I mean."

Morgan tented his fingers for a moment, lost in thought. "Well, she's gotta be some kinda smart. He called her for a 'consult,'" he made quotation marks with his fingers, "when we were in New Mexico and had no leads and shabam he comes back with that chicken pox thing."

"So you're saying you think she's a doctor?"

"It would fit with what we know and Reid," Morgan told her. "But I don't think speculating gets us anywhere. We're gonna have to wait until Reid feels ready to share." With that he replaced his headphones and closed his eyes.

JJ lifted her eyes to where Reid sat staring at his own reflection in the window, seemingly totally lost in his own thoughts. "I wonder what she looks like…"


	54. Ignorance is Bliss

**Ignorance is Bliss**

Hotch slid silently into the seat across from Morgan. Although his eyes were closed and his headphones filled his ears with the music that was always his way of calming down after a case, he still felt, rather than saw, the unit chief's presence and opened his eyes. "What's up Hotch?"

Hotch looked around the aircraft. Rossi, JJ and Reid appeared to be sleeping. He couldn't be sure about Reid since he felt the young man sometimes closed his eyes to feign sleep thus avoiding a conversation with another team member. Blake turned the page of her latest book. "You were with him the most so I thought I'd ask; how was Reid?"

Hotch watched while the other man gathered his thoughts. "To someone who didn't know Reid, he'd appear fine. And he was as far as the work went. There was no problem there Hotch. It was just the little things we all know, and up until now, never thought we'd miss. I mean when has Reid said "close enough" when someone speculated the odds on something? Never, that's when, because Reid can figure these things out to the decimal point. When we found Katie's body, I didn't know the name of the river. Reid would have never let that pass. He'd have named it and given me all the statistics there were about it." Morgan looked back at his fellow teammates and leaned closer to Hotch and whispered. "I never thought I'd miss that. There were so many times when he gets on a ramble and I want to say, 'shut up already.' And now I'd give anything to hear him go into one of his diatribes. You know what they say, be careful what you wish for.

"That will come back in time Morgan." Hotch replied. "He's still not himself. I realize that. I just wanted to get your take on him in the field."

There were a few moments of silence and then Hotch spoke again. "At least he let you, Garcia and JJ help him with his apartment. It was good that he was communicating again and letting someone in."

"Oh yeah, that; I wondered if Reid did that more for us than for himself."

Hotch's eyebrows rose.

"I think he knew we wanted so much to do something for him so he threw us a bone if you will. Everybody felt better afterwards. Well we did; I don't know about him."

"He had the capacity to think of someone other than himself. That's a good thing. Often, at times like this, we do things to please others, not realizing that is also benefits us in the end."

"Hotch, if anyone would know, you would."

Hotch turned his face toward the window and watched his reflection in the night sky beyond. Knowledge was considered an asset but not all knowledge was welcome. He wished he didn't know quite so well how Reid was feeling and he'd have never wished that knowledge on his friend. Could there not be something that Reid didn't have to know about.

Morgan's voice brought him back from his reverie. "One thing I did notice when we had our weapons on Sera in the basement and I was trying to talk her into giving up her weapon; Reid looked so determined, more so than usual. I felt that if Sera had made one wrong move toward JJ or me he would have shot."

"Another woman holding a gun on someone he loves, I can see it. I think he may be that way for a while, protective of us. It'll lessen with time and he realizes we're okay."

"And how long until he's okay Hotch?" Morgan put his headphones back on and went back to listening to his music while Hotch stared at his reflection.


	55. Facing Truth

_**Facing Truth**_

Derek Morgan's eyes were closed to the other passengers in the plane as it wended its way from St. Paul to the more comfortable Washington climate and he allowed the soothing music to do what it always did on his flights back from another unsub, another nightmare. Rossi had planted himself on the bench and could be heard, well by everyone but Morgan, softly snoring. Hotch, as always, sat with paperwork, that never ending nemesis, in front of him. Alex Blake was fine tuning her next lecture while Reid momentarily ran his fingers down the page of his book before turning it. JJ made her way down the aisle from the restroom and parked herself opposite the most likely candidate for conversation.

"So, what's up Reid?"

"Mmm," Reid mumbled; neither his eyes nor his finger ever leaving the page of his book.

"Reid what happened tonight?" JJ asked.

"What happened? What do you mean what happened?"

"You know what I mean Spence; what you said to the unsub about no therapy being able to help him rid himself of his urges. That is not standard FBI textbook protocol."

Reid was quiet for a moment. "No, it wasn't. But I've tried FBI textbook protocol. I've lied through my teeth and watched someone I love blown away right in front of me. You know JJ; you witnessed it with your own eyes and there wasn't a damn thing the FBI textbook protocol did to help me in that situation. So, I elected to try something else. It didn't work."

"But Spence…"

"I seem to recall," Reid interrupted her. "If my memory serves me correctly and, well, when doesn't it, that when you were talking to Billy Flynn on the radio, you decided to throw away the "FBI textbook protocol" and just talk to him honestly. The only difference here is that you got the desired result. I didn't. That seems to be the way it is with me."

JJ nodded her head, not responding as Reid continued to run his finger down and quickly turn the pages of his book.

"Maybe you need to examine what you said tonight Spence," JJ said at last.

Reid lifted his eyes from his book. "What do you mean JJ?"

"You told the unsub no therapy may be able to fix things for him." Reid nodded at this. "What happened with Maeve was a horrible thing but you did all you could. We all saw that. And it didn't work. And maybe nothing anyone says or does, any amount of therapy, will fix that." She rose and then leaned over close to Reid, "But, like you said, you shouldn't quit trying."


	56. Rain Check

_**Rain Check**_

JJ slid into the seat opposite Reid. One elbow was on the arm of his seat and his hand held his forehead. She hoped he wasn't having one of his headaches. He looked tired. "Hey, Will and I are doing brunch on Sunday; it's been a while since we did and Henry keeps asking where Uncle Spence is."

Reid never moved, never lifted his head, or even an eyebrow to indicate he'd heard her. At last he said. "I don't think so JJ; thanks anyway."

"It'll be good Spence. You need to get out and, at least at brunch I'll know you're having a good meal."

Reid did move now, he raised his head, anger burning in his eyes. "I said no JJ, what part of that don't you understand?"

"Look Reid, I know you're going through a tough time. All I want to do is help." She reached a hand over to touch his other hand that rested on the table next to his book which was, as of yet, unopened.

Reid quickly pulled his hand away. "Yeah JJ, I know you want to help. I experienced that help when Emily supposedly died and now I know it was all a farce. Forgive me if I don't sign up for round two."

JJ inhaled and exhaled deeply, telling herself to keep calm. "It might be good for you to see Henry, spend some time with him. If anyone can brighten things up, it's him."

Reid nodded. "Normally, I'd agree with you JJ but…" He shook his head. "You just wouldn't understand."

"Try me Spence, you might be surprised.

"Okay, Henry is a big reminder for me now." He raised his hand to stop her when she looked about to speak. "He's a reminder of what I might have had with Maeve. It's a reminder that…" His voice trailed off and he looked at his hand on the table.

"What Spence, a reminder that what?" JJ leaned forward in her seat.

Reid hesitated and when it appeared to JJ that he'd collected his resolve, he said, "It's a reminder that Will and Henry were saved. You saved Henry and Emily saved Will." JJ could hear the tears in his voice as she saw them well up in his eyes. "Hotch saved… Hotch saved Jack." He was quiet again for a few moments. "But Maeve, Maeve didn't get saved. When it was up to me to save the person I loved, I failed. Will and Henry were saved and you got to have your happily ever after wedding at Rossi's. I dreamed about a wedding like that, you know; me and Maeve. Only I'll never get that. All because I couldn't save the person I loved."

"Reid, you can't blame yourself for tha…"

"Why JJ, why shouldn't I blame myself. For ten months I knew Maeve had a stalker, ten months. And I did nothing. I should have insisted on helping her back in the beginning before it got as far as it did. I don't know; my appearance on the scene may have hurt things with Maeve more than it helped them. It caused Dianne to concentrate more on what Maeve had and she wanted that."

"Yes, but when Maeve died, she knew she was deeply loved. You stood there ready and willing to give yourself over to a psycho to save her. She said it herself. It was the one thing Dianne could never take from you."

"It doesn't really matter how much she knew she was loved since the one who loved her still failed her. And I, apparently, continued to fail which you and Morgan were more than willing to point out to Hotch. I'm sure you can see why I'm not in the mood to be chummy at a brunch."

JJ sighed deeply. She could defend herself and Morgan by telling Reid that they had only given Hotch the facts about what had happened and had, in no way, speculated on whether Reid's actions were right or wrong. Of course, Hotch could read between the lines.

So, apparently, brunch was out. She sighed again. "It's always hard to lose someone Reid. My sister committed suicide and I've asked myself a million times if there's something I should have seen; something I should have done; something I should have told my parents about. I just don't know. Hindsight is always better, maybe not 20/20 but better than foresight. I think about my sister every day and, like I told Hotch when he lost Haley, it does get better. One day you'll think about Maeve and you won't be sad; you'll be happy." She stood, touched him on the shoulder, "And maybe then you'll come to brunch. I'll keep a place at the table, always." She gave his shoulder a slight squeeze before heading to the rear of the aircraft.


	57. A Brutal Teacher

**A/N: I have been asked a few times to reference to which episode each chapter is related. Although some chapters relate to no specific episode, this one is a tag to Alchemy.**

_**A Brutal Teacher**_

Rossi sprawled himself out on the bench seat, tucking a pillow beneath his head. Before he could close his eyes the voice in the seat across the aisle said, "I see Reid's been reaching out to you. How's he doing?"

Rossi didn't move from his position as he let out a long sigh. "He's not sleeping Hotch. As you can tell, he's spending his time reading small town newspapers, looking for something that he finally found."

"I noticed he was never without a cup of coffee which is a little exaggerated, even for him." Hotch replied.

"You know him Hotch, all his life the only thing anyone's ever cared about was that beautiful mind and the things it could do. He looks at everything logically, like a problem to be solved because that's what life's always been for him. He's hidden away his feelings like he's not supposed to have them."

"And then something like this happens," Hotch finished for him.

"And then something like this happens," Rossi agreed, "and he's trying to solve it logically. If he fills his time with work then he won't wallow over the loss of the woman he loved. He falls asleep and he dreams, so the answer is to wake himself up because he doesn't want to see the way it might have been." The older agent ran his hand through his hair. "I told him I understand how it feels but it's really not the same as Caroline and me. She was suffering Hotch and she was ready. She wanted to go and after, although I was sad, of course, I was glad she was no longer in the throes of that wretched disease."

"Well I know how he feels," Hotch stated, looking ahead, his mind lost in thought. "I guess it was easier for me; maybe because I was able to feel because I'd had that experience with Haley over all our years together. And then there was Jack. I had to go through it for him, help to guide him through it. It probably made a big difference in how long it took me to recover."

"I'm sure it did and now you've moved on and have a great relationship with Beth," Rossi remarked.

Hotch nodded, "Even though the distance does make it a problem, it's a good thing. I hope it can be that way for Reid."

"Something tells me it won't be as easy for him Aaron. Damn, he'd finally let someone into his life and this had to happen. I know they say God doesn't give you more than you can handle but I think he expects a little too much out of Reid sometimes. I admit to being a little pissed at the big guy right now." He sighed again. "I suppose that means a trip to my friend Jimmy."

He saw Hotch's lip curve ever so slightly at the corner. "I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. Did you notice that during this case…?"

"Reid was particularly aware of getting answers for the families? Yeah, how could you miss it?"

"It's never a bad thing for a profiler, or any agent for that matter, to have that kind of insight," Hotch added.

"It's too bad Reid had to pay such a stiff price for that insight," Rossi reminded him.

"I guess Lewis was right about experience."

Rossi rolled over to face the back of the bench seat and huffed, "Yeah, hell of a brutal teacher."

CMCMCMCM

The Lewis referenced in this chapter is C.S. Lewis and his quote: Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn.


End file.
